Met YY yesterday. Put off the BBQ with a bunch of people.
I bought us cappuccino and had a conversation in RLC near two hours and a half.
(Its so wired that I woke up early in the morning and turns out that Now (12:30am) is my most sober time of the whole day. Damn wired.)
She came to invite ProfM a lunch, to tell him that she found a job after near six months. With an european passport. So damn hard with job hunting isn't it. Obviously it is so nice of profM.
Then she drove us to Xu, got something to eat, no more talking about job hunting. She gave me some quite useful suggestions and encouragement, drove me home. A great time and hopefully i can stay to see her in the near future.
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Just called mom. Tian is playing with my piano on the other side of the phone. Grandma is moving to my room officially and I really wish she could have a comfortable and happy life there. Even if some argument is unavoidable, hope my parents would step back whenever or whatever. Don't try to correct anyone like my mom wishes to fix me.
I almost talk this to a friend last night about how upset my mom's yesterday talk made me feel. She said, why you work so hard? why you push yourself so hard? you are not a boy and there is no point of giving yourself so much pressure. Look at XXX, studying and stay in the school as a Tutoring guy, stay with their parents, living happily and easy with life. What you are fighting there for does not even make a difference?
I felt a GAP, deep and unfixable GAP between our mind. I love her. I didn't say no to all these words. I just said, lets talk later and ask about other things.
But still, I felt disappointed when I am sticking on here alone, and my mom is pulling me back, mentally. I did not ask for favor or support. At least do not interrupt me.
So I just ignore and leave all these to time. Maybe I'm wrong, get nothing at the end or living really poor life or dying alone. I can accept all the worst outcomes. But I do not accept the so-called "lets be a coward and living a easier life".
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I was being emotional right there.
How can you count on someone to back you up while you explain nothing to them. In another world, how do you let other people agree with you when you say nothing about your opinion. Explanation matters. I ask too much from my mom, expecting her to understand me from voice but not content of the conversation. As I did this to anyone, expecting them knowing me and be my person without asking why. Silly guy.
