孙悟空地府改命
一天，孙悟空在洞里忙活着，吩咐四大健将准备盛宴，邀请六位结义兄弟来喝酒。杀牛宰马，祭天祭地，还请妖怪们跳舞唱歌，热闹得不行。大家喝得醉醺醺的，送走六兄弟后，孙悟空还赏了手下头目们几件宝贝。喝饱了，他靠在铁板桥边的松树下，不知不觉睡着了。四大健将带着猴子们守着，不敢吵闹。
忽然，孙悟空梦见两个黑影拿着写着“孙悟空”的文书，突然套住他，把他的魂魄拖走，一路跌跌撞撞拉到一座城门前。孙悟空酒意渐消，抬头一看，城门上赫然写着三个大字：“幽冥界”。他心里一惊：“这不就是阎王老爷的地盘吗？我怎么跑这儿来了？”
那两人说：“你阳寿已尽，我们奉命来勾你了。”
孙悟空一听气不打一处来：“我早修成正果了，脱离三界五行，凭啥归你们管？”说着，他从耳朵里掏出金箍棒，一晃变粗到碗口那么粗，甩手就是两巴掌，把两个勾魂鬼拍成肉酱，挣脱绳索，大吼着冲进城里。
城里的牛头马面吓得屁滚尿流，十殿阎王急忙穿好衣服迎上来，恭敬喊：“上仙留名！”
孙悟空冷着脸质问：“你们说不认识我，怎么敢派人来抓我？”
阎王们赶紧赔礼道歉：“大王可能认错人了。”
孙悟空冷笑：“认错？名字能认错吗？拿生死簿给我瞧瞧！”
判官慌忙搬来一大摞生死簿，孙悟空翻得仔细，发现猴子们的名字记得乱七八糟，既不属人，也不属兽，更不归凤凰麒麟管。终于在“魂”字那页第1350号，找到了自己的名字：天产石猴，寿命三百四十二岁，善终。
孙悟空怒了：“既然找到了，那我今天就把它划掉！”
他拿起笔，蘸了墨水，把所有猴子的名字通通划了个遍，大笑着说：“好了！以后地府也管不了我们猴子了！”
然后抡起金箍棒，一路横扫地府，打得十殿阎王不敢靠近，只能灰溜溜去找地藏菩萨商量，准备向玉皇大帝奏报。
孙悟空刚杀出地府，忽然一跤跌倒，醒了过来——原来是场南柯一梦。
他伸了个懒腰，听见四健将和众猴在旁喊：“大王，你喝了多少啊？一觉睡了一整晚！”
孙悟空笑着说：“这觉没啥，我梦里被人勾魂差点拉去幽冥界，幸亏我神通广大，在森罗殿大闹一场，还把我们猴子的名字从生死簿上全给勾掉了。从今以后，咱猴族谁都不受地府管了！”
众猴听了感动得眼眶湿润，跪拜称谢。自此，山里的猴子好多都长命百岁，都是因为名字不在那生死簿上。
孙悟空把梦里的事告诉大家，四健将赶紧通报各洞妖王，大家纷纷来祝贺。
没几天，六位义兄弟又来拜贺，听说名字被划掉，个个乐开了花，天天聚在一起吃喝玩乐，没了烦心事。
Sun Wukong Rewrote His Fate in the Hell
One fine day, Sun Wukong was busy in his mountain cave, organizing a grand feast. He ordered his four top generals to butcher oxen and pigs, offer sacrifices to heaven and earth, and invite his six sworn brother monsters to sing and dance.
The wine flowed. The drums pounded. The whole place buzzed with noise and laughter. After the brothers staggered home, Wukong handed out a few treasure gifts to his loyal captains, then leaned against a pine tree near the Iron Plate Bridge and dozed off, belly full and heart content. The four generals stood guard nearby, keeping everything quiet.
Suddenly—bam! Two shadowy figures appeared in his dream, holding a scroll with the name “Sun Wukong” on it. Without a word, they threw a net over his soul and dragged him away, bumping and stumbling all the way to a big, gloomy city gate.
Still half-drunk, Wukong squinted up and read the sign: Hell.
“What the hell? This is Yama’s place! Why am I here?” he mutteredand sobered up really quick.
One of the two figures said, “Your time’s up. We’re just following orders.”
Wukong’s temper flared. “Time’s up? I’m beyond your jurisdiction! I’ve already cultivated immortality. I don’t belong to the Heaven, the Earth, or the Hell!”
With that, he yanked his golden cudgel from his earand gave it a flick. Boom!, It grew thick as a tree trunk. In one swipe, he slapped the two soul-catchers into puddles of ghost jelly. Then he broke free from their ropes, roared like a storm, and charged into the city.
Inside, demons with ox heads and horse faces ran for their lives. The Ten Kings of Hell scrambled to throw on robes and come out to greet him, bowing and saying, “Welcome, Great Immortal!”
Wukong scowled. “Since you all know who I am, why’d you dare send people to grab my soul?”
The kings bowed and scraped. “Must’ve been a clerical error, Your Excellency.”
“Clerical error? My name was right there on the summons!” Wukong growled. “Bring me the Book of Life and Death!”
The scribes rushed out with stacks of dusty books. Wukong flipped through them page by page. The monkey names were a mess. They were classified neither as humans, nor beasts, nor mythical creatures. Finally, on page 1,350 under the ‘Souls’ section, he spotted his own entry: Born of stone. Lifespan: 342 years. Peaceful death.
Wukong’s eyes blazed. “Well, if it’s there, I’m taking it out!”
He grabbed a brush, dipped it in ink, and scratched out every single monkey name he could find.
“Done!” he shouted, laughing. “From now on, the Hell can’t touch a single monkey!”
Then he swung his golden cudgel around like a wrecking ball, tearing through the ghostly halls of the Hell. The Ten Kingsof Hell didn’t dare stop him. Bruised and terrified, they decided to report the mess to KṣitigarbhaBodhisattva and maybe even escalate it to Jade Emperor.
Meanwhile, Wukong stormed out the gates, then tripped.
With a jolt, he woke up under the tree. Just a dream.
Stretching with a yawn, he heard the four generals whispering nearby, “Great King, youslept the whole night. How much did you drink?”
Wukong chuckled. “Not the drinking, that was fine. But I just dreamt I was dragged into the Hell, fought off the soul-catchers, tore up the Book of Life and Death, and erased all monkey names. So from now on, we monkeys are free!”
The monkeys’ eyes welled up. They dropped to their knees, grateful beyond words. And strangely enough, many of the monkeys in the mountain really did start living much longer lives because their names were no longer in the Book of Life and Death.
When Wukong told the tale to the others, the four generals spread the news far and wide. Demon kings from neighboring caves came over to celebrate.
A few days later, the six sworn brothers showed up again. When they heard their names had been scratched from the death list, they were overjoyed. From that day on, they partied without a care in the world.
本章完，感谢阅读！
