七月怎么开始的，真是一点儿都想不起来，要不是翻开日程表，还真不敢相信这个月已经过完了。本子上最显眼的标注是20号，交论文初稿的截止日期，20号之前是慌张和焦虑，20号之后是忐忑和不安。该来的总要来，反正已经准备好为二稿三稿四稿以及最终定稿呕心沥血了。
这个七月雨水特别多，宅在室内的时间也特别长，过了一周比较特别的日子。一周里没有吃肉，白天几乎不出门，晚饭后下楼散步，日均步数5000以内，其实都不是故意为之，是在吃素的第三天意识到自己已经几天没有碰肉类了，索性凑满一个周。一个人呆着，不看到甚至都想不起有肉的存在，也因此不受任何诱惑和干扰，过着完全以自我为中心的生活。当人把自己的欲望降低的时候，慢慢就会发现很多东西并不是“must”。
我过过很理性很规律也很自律的生活，在S的成长会社群里持续行动两年，我以为养成习惯就能在没有任何外力监督的情况下保持这种生活方式，结果是我高估了自己。又或者说，在遇见学霸猫之后，我对自己变得宽容了，用“死猪哲学”替自己解围。反正人总是在不断否定过去的自己，“实迷途其未远，觉今是而昨非”，反正明天的自己也会骂今天的自己傻逼。Last July I met someone and I thought I found the one I had been looking for——正经中带点不正经，但这点不正经又不影响正经那种, but it seemed I was misled by my friends' teasing. Sometimes I took things too seriously, and made every effort to achieve a good result. But affection didn't go this way. When I understood this, I found how stupid I was. Without such experience, I wouldn't know I was trapped by a story made by myself. But I would never know at that time, I was just moving from one trap to another. C'est la vie. Life is more marvelous than stories. I won't say more about things happened later. Anyway, I appreciate it and I learn a lot from it.
打卡五月天的演唱会，虽然只是在演唱会前几天才预习了大部分的歌，但在现场一首 离开地球表面 就已经值回票价，再加上一首 干杯，最后的 我不愿让你一个人，恋爱ing和突然好想你，不虚此行。
最近就是很丧，感觉什么都做不好，以前相信的很多东西好像都不对了。我还是在看书，可书里没有我想找的答案。可能这一场考试，压根儿没有标准答案，每个人手里的考题也不一样，谁都帮不了我。现在想不明白的事，未来也没那么快能想明白，可太阳照常升起，我就得跟向日葵一样跟着太阳转，不管是看起来那样向着阳光，还是实际上因为生长素惧怕阳光，躲在背光侧。闺蜜七月初就给我发过一张图
星座运势什么的，不尽信也不得不信个中字句。可是一个人都没想明白，更不敢轻易再把另外的人请进生命里。Every time I turned down someone, I would think of myself, because I didn't want others to feel the same hurt. What I thought and believed in the past has turned out to be wrong, I can't make any decision before I figure out all this. If I could express myself in other languages, I would use more kinds of languages. I want to tell something secret, but I don't want all the people who read the sentences above to understand my feelings. It is like a joke, right? Aha, It is a paradox.
The end. Kiss.
