-*-
42
帕斯卡莱的忧虑让她受不了。他开着车子送莉拉回家，一路上不停地问：
Pasquale’s worried tone exasperated her.
As he was driving home he asked her:
“阿尔曼多怎么说，你没事儿吧？”
“What did Armando say, how are you?”
“我很好，我应该多吃一点。”
“Fine, I should eat more.”
“你看到了吧，你是不注意自己的身体。”
“You see, you don’t take care of
yourself.”
莉拉很不耐烦地说：
Lila burst out:
“帕斯卡，你不是我父亲，你也不是我哥哥，你谁都不是，你别管我。你搞清楚了吗？”
“Pasquà, you’re not my father, you’re not
my brother, you’re no one. Leave me alone, get it?”
“我不能关心一下你吗？”
“I can’t be worried about you?”
“不能，你要当心你说的话，你做的事，尤其是在恩佐跟前。假如你跟他说，我今天发病的事儿——这也不是发病，我只是有点儿头晕——我们之间的友情就算完了。”
“No, and be careful what you do and say,
especially with Enzo. If you tell him I was ill—and it’s not true, I was only
dizzy—you risk ruining our friendship.”
“你别急着去找索卡沃，先休息两天吧。卡波尼也不建议你马上去，委员会也不建议你现在去，这是一个政治时机的问题。”
“Take two sick days and don’t go to
Soccavo: Capone advised you against it and the committee advised against it,
it’s a matter of political expediency.”
“我才不管什么政治时机不政治时机的：是你们给我惹了麻烦，现在我想怎么做就怎么做。”
“I don’t give a damn about political
expediency: you’re the one who got me in trouble and now I’ll do as I like.”
她甚至都没有邀请他上楼去坐坐，他很恼怒地回家了。回到家里，莉拉和詹纳罗亲昵了一会儿，然后就开始做晚饭，一边等着恩佐回来，她一直觉得气短。左等右等，恩佐一直没有回来，她就先让詹纳罗吃了，她很担心恩佐是去找女人了，所以回家晚了。这时候，她看到孩子把一杯水打翻了，她马上就失去了所有耐心，还有柔情蜜意，她开始用方言骂孩子，就好像他是一个大人：“你能安生一会儿吗？你是不是要我扇你几巴掌？为什么你要这样折磨我？你想要毁掉我的生活？”
She didn’t invite him to come in and he
went away angry. Once at home, Lila cuddled Gennaro, made dinner, waited for
Enzo. Now it seemed to her that she was constantly short of breath. Since
Enzo was late, she fed Gennaro; she was afraid it was one of those evenings
when he was seeing women and would return in the middle of the night. When
the child spilled a glass of water, the caresses stopped, and she yelled at
him as if he were an adult, in dialect: Will you hold still a moment, I’ll
hit you, why do you want to ruin my life?
正好这时候恩佐回来了，她尽力想做出一副热情的样子，但他们一起吃饭时，莉拉觉得很难下咽，感觉食物都卡在胸口。詹纳罗刚一睡着，他们就开始学习苏黎世的函授课程，但是恩佐很快就累了，有好几次，他都很礼貌地提出想去睡觉，但没有用，莉拉一直坚持到了很晚。她很害怕自己一个人在房间里，会出现之前的症状。她担心一个人待在黑暗里，她没有告诉阿尔曼多的那些症状，会马上浮现。所有症状一起出现，会要了她的命。恩佐轻声问她：
Just then Enzo returned, and she tried to
be nice. They ate, but Lila had the impression that the food was struggling
to get to her stomach, that it was scratching her chest. As soon as Gennaro
fell asleep, they turned to the installments of the Zurich course, but Enzo
soon got tired, and tried, politely, to go to bed. His attempts were vain,
Lila kept going until it was late, she was afraid of shutting herself in her
room, she feared that as soon as she was alone in the dark the symptoms she
hadn’t admitted to Armando would appear, all together, and kill her. He asked
her softly:
“告诉我，你怎么了？”
“Will you tell me what’s wrong?”
“没什么。”
“Nothing.”
“你和帕斯卡莱一起出去，一起回来。为什么？你们有什么秘密？”
“You come and go with Pasquale, why, what
secrets do you have?”
“都是工会的事情，我已经加入了工会，现在我要做一些事情。”
“It’s things to do with the union, he
made me join and now I have to take care of them.”
恩佐做了一个失望的表情，她问：
Enzo looked disheartened, and she asked:
“怎么了？”
“What’s wrong?”
“帕斯卡莱跟我说了你在工厂里做的事情。你把这件事情跟他，还有委员会的人都说了。为什么我是唯一不能知道的人？”
“Pasquale told me what you’re doing in
the factory. You told him and you told the people on the committee. Why am I
the only one who doesn’t deserve to know?”
莉拉一下变得很烦躁，她站起来去了厕所。帕斯卡莱还是没忍住，他跟恩佐到底说了什么？他是不是只提到了工会要在索卡沃工厂里搞活动的事儿？会不会也提到了吉诺，还有她在法院路快要晕倒的事儿？他没办法保持沉默，男人之间的友谊有一些原则，虽然没有写在纸上，但很坚固，和女人之间的友谊是不一样的。她拉了水箱的链子，回到了恩佐身边，说：
Lila became agitated, she got up, she
went to the bathroom. Pasquale hadn’t held out. What had he told? Only about
the union seed that she wanted to plant at Soccavo or also about Gino, about
her not feeling well at Via dei Tribunali? He hadn’t been able to stay
silent—friendship between men had its unwritten but inviolable pacts, not
like that between women. She flushed the toilet, returned to Enzo and said:
“帕斯卡莱是个叛徒。”
“Pasquale is a spy.”
“帕斯卡莱是一个朋友。你是什么人呢？”
“Pasquale is a friend. Whereas you, what
are you?”
他的语气很伤人，她忽然间沦陷了，简直有些出乎意料，她眼里充满了泪水，她拼命地想咽下眼泪，但她做不到，这种突如其来的脆弱让她感到很屈辱。
His tone hurt, she gave in unexpectedly,
suddenly. Her eyes filled with tears and she tried in vain to push them back,
humiliated by her own weakness.
“我已经给你惹了很多麻烦，我不想再麻烦你了，”她哭着说，“我很害怕你打发我走。”她擤了一下鼻子，最后小声说：“我可以和你一起睡吗？”
“I don’t want to make more trouble for
you than I already have,” she sobbed, “I’m afraid you’ll send me away.” Then
she blew her nose and added in a whisper: “Can I sleep with you?”
恩佐用难以置信的目光看着她说：
Enzo stared at her, in disbelief.
“怎么睡？”
“Sleep how?”
“你想怎样就怎样。”
“However you want.”
“你真想和我一起睡吗？”
“And do you want it?”
莉拉盯着一把放在桌子中间的水壶，那是詹纳罗非常喜欢的水壶，因为上面有一个母鸡的脑袋：
Lila gazed at the water pitcher in the
middle of the table, with its comical rooster’s head: Gennaro liked it. She
whispered:
“最要紧的是，你要让我待在你身边。”
“The crucial thing is for you to hold me
close.”
恩佐很不高兴地摇了摇头。
Enzo shook his head unhappily.
“你不想要我。”
“You don’t want me.”
“我想要你，但我现在没有感觉。”
“I want you, but I don’t feel anything.”
“你对我没有感觉吗？”
“You don’t feel anything for me?”
“你在说什么，我很爱你，我每天晚上都希望你来叫我，抱着我，但除了这个，我没想其他的。”
“What do you mean, I love you, and every
night I wish you would call me and hold me close. But beyond that I don’t
want anything.”
恩佐的脸色变得很苍白，那张俊朗的脸有些扭曲，就好像在承受一种难以承受的痛苦。他进一步问：
Enzo turned pale, his handsome face was
contorted as if by an intolerable grief, and he observed:
“我让你觉得恶心吗？”
“I disgust you.”
“不是，不是这样的。我们可以做你想要做的，马上开始都可以，我已经准备好了。”
“No, no, no, let’s do what you want,
right away, I’m ready.”
他脸上有一丝悲伤的微笑，他沉默了一会儿。后来他不忍心让她不安，就嘀咕了一句：“我们去睡觉吧。”
He had a desolate smile, and was silent
for a while. Then he couldn’t bear her anxiety, he muttered: “Let’s go to
bed.”
“每个人回自己的房间？”
“Each in our own room?”
“不，去我房间。”
“No, in my bed.”
莉拉松了一口气，她换上了睡衣，冷得瑟瑟发抖，到他房间时，他已经在床上了。
Lila, relieved, went to get undressed.
She put on her nightgown, went to him trembling with cold. He was already in
bed.
“我睡这边？”
“I’ll go here?”
“好。”
“All right.”
她一下子钻到了被窝里，头靠在他的肩膀上，一条胳膊搭在他的胸口上。恩佐待在那儿一动不动，她马上感觉到他散发出来一股强烈的热度。
She slid under the covers, rested her
head on his shoulder, put an arm around his chest. Enzo remained motionless;
she felt immediately that he gave off a violent heat.
“我的脚很冷，”她说，“我可以挨着你的脚吗？”
“My feet are cold,” she whispered, “can I
put them near yours?”
“可以。”
“Yes.”
“我抚摸你一下？”
“Can I caress you a little?”
“不用。”
“Leave me alone.”
慢慢地，她不再冷了，她胸口的疼痛消失了，她也没有了那种如鲠在喉的感觉，她沉浸在暖烘烘的昏沉里。
Slowly the cold disappeared. The pain in
her chest dissolved, she forgot the grip on her throat, she gave in to the
respite of his warmth.
“我可以睡了吗？”她累得已经有些迷糊了。
“Can I sleep?” she asked, dazed by
weariness.
“睡吧。”
“Sleep.”
-*-
43
黎明时分她忽然惊醒，她的身体提醒她该起床了。忽然间，她心头涌起了很多糟糕的事情，都很清晰：自己可能得了心脏病，詹纳罗的退步，城区的法西斯分子，娜迪雅的逞能，帕斯卡莱的不可靠，还有她和工友提出的要求。只有在这时候，她才意识到，她是和恩佐一起睡的，但他已经不在床上了。她很快起来了，这时候，她听到房门关上的声音。恩佐是在她睡着后就起身的吗？他一个晚上都没合眼吗？他是和孩子在另一个房间睡的吗？或者说，他忘却了所有欲望，是和她一起睡的？当然，他一个人孤孤单单地吃了早餐，给她和詹纳罗把餐具都准备好了，他去上班了，一句话也没有说，心事重重地走了。
At dawn she started: her body reminded
her that she had to wake up. Immediately, the terrible thoughts arrived, all
very clear: her sick heart, Gennaro’s regressions, the fascists from the
neighborhood, Nadia’s self-importance, Pasquale’s untrustworthiness, the list
of demands. Only afterward did she realize that she had slept with Enzo, but
that he was no longer in the bed. She rose quickly, in time to hear the door
closing. Had he arisen as soon as she fell asleep? Had he been awake all
night? Had he slept in the other room with the child? Or had he fallen asleep
with her, forgetting every desire? Certainly he had had breakfast alone and
had left the table set for her and Gennaro. He had gone to work, without a
word, keeping his thoughts to himself.
莉拉把儿子托付给邻居，也跑去上班了。
Lila, too, after taking her son to the
neighbor, hurried to the factory.
“你决定了吗？”艾多有些不高兴地问她。
“So did you make up your mind?” Edo
asked, a little sulkily.
“我想什么时候去就什么时候去。”莉拉又恢复了之前的语气。
“I’ll make up my mind when I like,” Lila
answered, returning to her old tone of voice.
“我们是一起的，你要通知我们。”
“We’re a committee, you have to inform
us.”
“你已经让大家都看了那个单子了吗？”
“Did you circulate the list?”
“是的。”
“Yes.”
“其他人都怎么说？”
“What do the others say?”
“不说话就是默认了。”
“Silence means consent.”
“不是，”她说，“不说话，就是吓尿了。”
“No,” she said, “silence means they’re
shitting in their pants.”
卡波尼说得对，娜迪雅和阿尔曼多也是对的：这个行动太脆弱了，有些勉强。莉拉又非常投入地切起肉来，她想伤到别人，也想自残。她想把刀子插入自己的手心，她现在希望刀子从她手上的死肉滑到她的活肉上。她渴望叫喊，扑向其他人，让那些人为她的内心失衡负责。啊！莉娜·赛鲁罗，你真是屡教不改。你为什么要列出那个单子？你不愿意受剥削？你想改变自己和这些人的处境？你确信你和他们从这里开始，从你们现在的处境开始，可以和全世界的无产阶级团结起来，走上一条胜利的道路？你想多了！走上一条什么道路？成为什么样的人？一直都是工人？一天到晚埋头干活的工人？当家作主的工人？真是太天真了。话说得好听，最终还不是要干活。你也知道，你从小都知道，这种处境非常可怕，应该消除，而不是改善这一切。要通过改变处境，使自己变得更好吗？比如说，你变好了吗？你有没有成为娜迪雅，或者伊莎贝拉？你哥哥提高了吗？他有没有变成阿尔曼多？你儿子变得和马尔科一样了吗？没有，他们是他们，我们还是我们。那你为什么不认命呢？这都是因为你的脑子平静不下来，它一直都在转动：设计鞋子，想方设法建立起一家鞋子作坊，重写尼诺的文章，逼着他按照你的思路来，让恩佐和你一起，用你自己的方式，使用苏黎世函授课程的材料。现在，你想给娜迪雅展示出：假如她要搞革命，你要比她更革命。你的脑子，是的，最根本的原因在这里，因为你的脑子不满意，现在你的身体也垮了。她想：我对自己感到厌烦，我也厌烦这所有的一切。我对詹纳罗也感到厌烦：假如事情顺利的话，他的命运，让他也只能当个工人，为了多挣五个里拉，会在某个老板面前奴颜屈膝。那你该怎么办？赛鲁罗，你要承担起自己的责任，去实现你脑子里一直考虑的事：吓唬一下索卡沃，你要让他戒掉在风干室里搞女工的恶习。你要让他看看，你给这个长着狼脸的大学生准备了什么。那年夏天在伊斯基亚，饮料、弗里奥的房子、她和尼诺睡过的那张奢华的床，所有钱都来自这个地方，来自这个散发着恶臭的地方，还有在这恶心的环境中度过的日子，来自这廉价的劳动和辛苦。我切到了什么呢？从肉里淌出来一堆黄兮兮的东西，真让人恶心。这个世界在转动，事情会变，真好。如果落下去，就会摔碎。
Capone was right, also Nadia and Armando.
It was a weak initiative, a forced effort. Lila worked at cutting the meat
furiously, she had a desire to hurt and be hurt. To jab her hand with the
knife, let it slip, now, from the dead flesh to her own living flesh. To
shout, hurl herself at the others, make them all pay for her inability to
find an equilibrium. Ah, Lina Cerullo, you are beyond correction. Why did you
make that list? You don’t want to be exploited? You want to improve your
condition and the condition of these people? You’re convinced that you, and
they, starting from here, from what you are now, will join the victorious
march of the proletariat of the whole world? No way. March to become what?
Now and forever workers? Workers who slave from morning to night but are
empowered? Nonsense. Hot air to sweeten the pill of toil. You know that it’s
a terrible condition, it shouldn’t be improved but eliminated, you’ve known
it since you were a child. Improve, improve yourself? You, for example, are you
improved, have you become like Nadia or Isabella? Is your brother improved,
has he become like Armando? And your son, is he like Marco? No, we remain us
and they are they. So why don’t you resign yourself? Blame the mind that
can’t settle down, that is constantly seeking a way to function. Designing
shoes. Getting busy setting up a shoe factory. Rewriting Nino’s articles,
tormenting him until he did as you said. Using for your own purposes the
installments from Zurich, with Enzo. And now demonstrating to Nadia that if
she is making the revolution, you are even more. The mind, ah yes, the evil
is there, it’s the mind’s discontent that causes the body to get sick. I’ve
had it with myself, with everything. I’ve even had it with Gennaro: his fate,
if all goes well, is to end up in a place like this, crawling to some boss
for another five lire. So? So, Cerullo, take up your responsibilities and do
what you have always had in mind: frighten Soccavo, eliminate his habit of
fucking the workers in the drying room. Show the student with the wolf face
what you’ve prepared. That summer on Ischia. The drinks, the house in Forio,
the luxurious bed where I was with Nino. The money came from this place, from
this evil smell, from these days spent in disgust, from this poorly paid
labor. What did I cut, here? A revolting yellowish pulp spurted out. The
world turns but, luckily, if it falls it breaks.
在吃午饭的间隙，她做了决定。她对艾多说：“我去跟老板谈。”但她还没有来得及脱下围裙，老板的秘书就出现在剔骨室，对她说：
Right before the lunch break she made up
her mind, she said to Edo: I’m going. But she didn’t have time to take off
her apron, the owner’s secretary appeared in the gutting room to tell her:
“索卡沃先生让你马上去他的办公室。”
“Dottor Soccavo wants you urgently in the
office.”
莉拉觉得，可能有内奸已经把她的行动告诉布鲁诺了。她放下工作，从小衣柜里拿出了那张请愿的单子，就上楼去了。她敲了敲办公室的门，进去了。房间里不仅仅有布鲁诺，还有一个人坐在沙发上，嘴里叼着一根烟，是米凯莱·索拉拉。
Lila thought that some spy had told Bruno
what was coming. She stopped work, took the sheet of demands from the closet
and went up. She knocked on the door of the office, and went in. Bruno was
not alone in the room. Sitting in a chair, cigarette in his mouth, was
Michele Solara.
-*-
44
她知道，米凯莱迟早都会再次出现在她的生活里，但在布鲁诺的办公室里看到他，这让她感到害怕，就像小时候，她害怕房子阴暗角楼里出现的幽灵。她想：他来这里干什么？我应该马上离开这里。但米凯莱看到她，就马上站了起来，他张开了双臂，看起来真的很激动。他用意大利语说：“莉娜，真荣幸啊！我真高兴看到你。”他想拥抱莉拉，假如她没用一个不由自主的厌恶动作挡住他，他一定会拥抱她。有几秒钟，米凯莱张着双臂站在那儿，有些尴尬，他用手摸了一下自己的颧骨和后脖子，用另一只手指着莉拉，对索卡沃说——这次是用了虚假的语气：
She had always known that Michele would
sooner or later reappear in her life, but finding him in Bruno’s office
frightened her like the spirits in the dark corners of the house of her
childhood. What is he doing here, I have to get out of here. But Solara,
seeing her, stood up, spread his arms wide, seemed genuinely moved. He said
in Italian: Lina, what a pleasure, how happy I am. He wanted to embrace her,
and would have if she hadn’t stopped him with an unconscious gesture of
revulsion. Michele stood for some instants with his arms outstretched,
therefore, in confusion, with one hand he caressed his cheekbone, his neck,
with the other he pointed to Lila, this time speaking in an artificial tone:
“你看看，我真没法相信：你真的把卡拉奇太太藏在香肠厂里。”
“But really, I can’t believe it: right in
the middle of the salamis, you were hiding Signora Carracci?”
莉拉用一种生硬的语气对布鲁诺说：
Lila turned to Bruno abruptly:
“我等一下再来。”
“I’ll come back later.”
“你坐下！”布鲁诺阴着脸说。
“Sit down,” he said, darkly.
“我就想站着。”
“I prefer to stand.”
“坐下吧，要不然太累了。”
“Sit, you’ll get tired.”
她摇了摇头，还是站着，米凯莱对索卡沃意味深长地笑了一下：
She shook her head, remained standing,
and Michele gave Bruno a smile of understanding:
“你放弃吧，她就是这样，从来都不听你的。”
“She’s made like that, resign yourself,
she never obeys.”
莉拉觉得，米凯莱的声音要比之前更有力，他把每个字都说得很清楚，就好像最近这几年，他一直都在练发音。也许是为了节省力气，也许是为了不按他说的来，她改变了主意，坐了下来。米凯莱也坐了下来，一直对着她说话，就好像从那时候起，布鲁诺已经不在房间里了。米凯莱满脸客气，仔细地看着她，用一种惋惜的语气说：“你的手都毁了，真是遗憾，以前你当姑娘的时候，手是那么漂亮。”他聊起了马尔蒂里广场上的商店，讲得很详细，就好像莉拉还是他的员工，他们见面是为了谈论工作。他提到了店里的货架，新的灯光，还有他决定又一次把通往院子的门堵死了。莉拉想起了那道门，她用方言低声说：
To Lila it seemed that Solara’s voice had
more power than in the past, he stressed the end of every word as if he had
been practicing his pronunciation. Maybe to save her strength, maybe just to
contradict him, she changed her mind and sat down. Michele also changed
position, but so that he was turned completely toward her, as if Bruno were
no longer in the room. He observed her carefully, affectionately, and said,
in a tone of regret: your hands are ruined, too bad, as a girl you had such
nice ones. Then he began to talk about the shop in Piazza dei Martiri in the
manner of one imparting information, as if Lila were still his employee and
they were having a work meeting. He mentioned new shelves, new light
fixtures, and how he had had the bathroom door that opened onto the courtyard
walled up again. Lila remembered that door and said softly, in dialect:
“你的商店关我屁事儿。”
“I don’t give a fuck about your shop.”
“你要说我们的商店：那是我们一起建起来的。”
“You mean our: we invented it together.”
“我从来没和你一起建过任何东西。”
“Together with you I never invented
anything.”
米凯莱还在微笑，他摇了摇头，表示完全不能认同。他说，就像那些使用自己的双手和头脑的人一样，有人出钱，投资也是一种建设和创造，钱可以创造风景、形势还有人们的生活。你不知道有多少人，他们的幸福全在我的手上，只要我签一个字，他们要么会幸福，要么会毁掉。然后，他又平静地聊了起来，好像他们是好朋友，他很高兴跟她聊聊最近发生的事情。他从阿方索开始讲起，后者在马尔蒂里广场上干得不错，他现在赚得挺多的，可以建立起自己的家庭了，但阿方索不是很想结婚，他还是想让可怜的玛丽莎一直做他的女朋友，而自己想干什么干什么。作为老板，他鼓励阿方索结婚，稳定的家庭对于员工有好处，现在他提出要出钱给阿方索办婚礼，最后他们决定在六月举行婚礼。你看，他说，假如你当时继续为我工作，那就没有阿方索什么事儿，你要什么，我都会给你，你就会过得像女王一样。他没给莉拉说话的机会，他把烟灰弹到了一个铜质的老烟灰缸里，对她宣布说，他马上也要结婚了，也定在了六月，当然是和吉耀拉——他生命中的女人。他抱怨说：“很遗憾，我不能邀请你来，我倒是很乐意邀请你，但我不想让你丈夫尴尬。”他开始谈到了斯特凡诺、艾达还有他们的女儿。他说了他们一家三口的很多好话，又说现在两家肉食店已经不像之前了。卡拉奇他们家，他解释说，他们的父亲留下的钱没花完的时候，他们的日子还能凑合，但现在他们的生意岌岌可危，这已经有一段时间了，就像在一片动荡的海上，斯特凡诺的小船已经进水了，他已经撑不下去了。他的竞争对手越来越多了，不断有新的店铺开张。比如说马尔切洛，想要扩建已经过世的堂·卡罗的百货铺，想搞一家什么东西都卖的商店：肥皂、灯泡、香肠还有点心。马尔切洛已经开起来了，生意好得不得了，那家店铺叫“无所不有”。
Michele smiled again, shaking his head in
a sign of mild dissent. Those who put in the money, he said, do and undo just
the way those who work with their hands and their head do. Money invents
scenarios, situations, people’s lives. You don’t know how many people I can
make happy or ruin just by signing a check. And then he began chatting again,
placidly; he seemed eager to tell her the latest news, as if they were two
friends catching up. He began with Alfonso, who had done his job in Piazza
dei Martiri well and now earned enough to start a family. But he had no wish
to marry, he preferred to keep poor Marisa in the condition of fiancée for
life and continued to do as he liked. So he, as his employer, had encouraged
him, a regular life is good for one’s employees, and had offered to pay for
the wedding celebration; thus, finally, in June the marriage would take
place. You see, he said, if you had continued to work for me, rather than
Alfonso, I would have given you everything you asked for, you would have been
a queen. Then, without giving her time to answer, he tapped the ashes of his
cigarette into an old bronze ashtray and announced that he, too, was getting
married, also in June, and to Gigliola, naturally, the great love of his
life. Too bad I can’t invite you, he complained, I would have liked to, but I
don’t want to embarrass your husband. And he began to talk about Stefano,
Ada, and their child, first saying nice things about all three, then pointing
out that the two grocery stores weren’t doing as well as they used to. As
long as his father’s money lasted, he explained, Carracci kept afloat, but
commerce is a rough sea now, Stefano’s been shipping water for quite some
time, he can’t manage things anymore. Competition, he said, had increased,
new stores were constantly opening. Marcello himself, for example, had got it
into his head to expand the late Don Carlo’s old store and transform it into
one of those places where you can get anything, from soap to light bulbs,
mortadella, and candy. And he had done it, the business was booming, it was
called Everything for Everyone.
“你是在说，你和你哥哥让斯特凡诺日子也过不下去了？”
“You’re saying that you and your brother
have managed to ruin Stefano, too?”
“话可不能这么说，莉娜，我们只是做我们的事儿，没别的想法，相反的，对于我们的朋友，假如我们能帮一把，我们是很愿意帮忙的。你猜猜，马尔切洛让谁在新商店里工作？”
“What do you mean ruin, Lina, we do our
job and that’s all, in fact, when we can help our friends we help them
happily. Guess who Marcello has working in the new store?”
“我不知道。”
“I don’t know.”
“你哥哥。”
“Your brother.”
“你们让里诺沦落成了你们的售货员？”
“You’ve reduced Rino to being your
clerk?”
“是呀，你把他甩开了，小伙子要养活你父亲、你母亲，他有一个儿子，皮诺奇娅又怀孕了。他能怎么做呢？他去找马尔切洛，我哥哥就帮了他一把。你不高兴吗？”
“Well, you abandoned him, and that fellow
is carrying all of them on his shoulders: your father, your mother, a child,
Pinuccia, who’s pregnant again. What could he do? He turned to Marcello for
help and Marcello helped him. Doesn’t that please you?”
莉拉冷冰冰地回答说：
Lila responded coldly:
“不，我一点都不高兴，你们做的任何事情，我都不喜欢。”
“No, it doesn’t please me, nothing you do
pleases me.”
米凯莱做了一个很不悦的表情，他想起了布鲁诺，就说：
Michele appeared dissatisfied, and he
remembered Bruno:
“你看到了吧，就像我刚才对你说的，她的问题在于脾气很坏。”
“You see, as I was telling you, her
problem is that she has a bad character.”
布鲁诺很尴尬地笑了笑，他想表示认同。
Bruno gave an embarrassed smile that was
meant to be conspiratorial.
“真是这样。”
“It’s true.”
“她的脾气也伤到你了吧？”
“Did she hurt you, too?”
“有点儿。”
“A little.”
“你知道，她还是个小姑娘的时候，曾经把一把裁皮子的刀子，架在我哥哥的脖子上，当时我哥有两个她那么高？那不是开玩笑，她当时差点儿动手了。”
“You know that she was still a child when
she held a shoemaker’s knife to my brother’s throat, and he was twice her
size? And not as a joke, it was clear that she was ready to use it.”
“说真的吗？”
“Seriously?”
“是的。这个女人不得了，有勇气，有决心。”
“Yes. That girl has courage, she’s
determined.”
莉拉紧紧握住拳头，对抗着身体的虚弱。房间在起伏，那些死的活的东西都在扩散。她看到米凯莱在烟灰缸里把烟掐灭了，他用了很大的力气，就好像尽管他用很平静的语气说话，他还是想发泄一下他的不自在。莉拉盯着他的手指，他的手指摁在烟屁股上，指甲有些发白。她想，米凯莱曾经想让自己成为他的情人，但这不是他真正想要的，他要的是别的东西，是和上床没有任何关系的东西，他自己也无法解释。他盯着莉拉不放，那就像一种迷信，也许他相信，我具有一种力量，这种力量对他来说是必不可少的。他想获得那种力量，但他没办法获取，他很痛苦，他没办法通过暴力手段从我这里抢去。是的，也许事情就是这样。假如事情不是这样，他已经把我弄死了。但是，为什么偏偏是我？他在我身上，看到了什么对他有用的东西？我不应该待在这里，在他眼皮底下，我不该听他说话，他看到的、他想要的东西都让我害怕。莉拉对索卡沃说：
Lila clenched her fists tightly. She
detested the weakness she felt in her body. The room was undulating, the
bodies of the dead objects and the living people were expanding. She looked
at Michele, who was extinguishing the cigarette in the ashtray. He was
putting too much energy into it, as if he, too, in spite of his placid tone,
were giving vent to an uneasiness. Lila stared at his fingers, which went on
squashing the butt, the nails were white. Once, she thought, he asked me to
become his lover. But that’s not what he really wants, there’s something
else, something that doesn’t have to do with sex and that not even he can
explain. He’s obsessed, it’s like a superstition. Maybe he thinks that I have
a power and that that power is indispensable to him. He wants it but he can’t
get it, and it makes him suffer, it’s a thing he can’t take from me by force.
Yes, maybe that’s it. Otherwise he would have crushed me by now. But why me?
What has he recognized in me that’s useful to him? I mustn’t stay here, under
his eyes, I mustn’t listen to him, what he sees and what he wants scares me.
Lila said to Soccavo:
“我要走了，走之前要给你一样东西。”
“I’ve got something to leave for you and
then I’ll go.”
她站了起来，要把那张请愿的单子给他，这个举动，对她来说是那么没意义，同时又那么必要。她想把那张纸放在桌上，放在烟灰缸旁边，然后从这个房间出去。但是米凯莱让她站住，现在，他的声音里充满了温情，几乎是一种讨好，就好像他已经感觉到了，莉拉想要躲开他，他想尽一切办法来吸引她，挽留她。他接着对索卡沃说：
She got up, ready to give him the list of
demands, a gesture that seemed to her increasingly pointless and yet
necessary. She wished to place the piece of paper on the table, next to the
ashtray, and leave that room. But Michele’s voice stopped her. Now it was
definitely affectionate, almost caressing, as if he had intuited that she was
trying to get away from him and wanted to do everything possible to charm her
and keep her. He continued speaking to Soccavo:
“你看，她脾气就是这么坏。我正在说话，她一点儿也不在乎，拿出一张纸，说她要走了。但我原谅她，因为她有很多优点，可以补偿她的坏脾气。你觉得自己仅仅是雇用了一个女工？不是这样的，这位太太不是一个简单的女工。假如你放手让她去干，她能把狗屎变成黄金，她能把你这个破摊子重新规整一下，达到你根本无法想象的水平。为什么？因为她不是一般女人的脑子，她的脑子就是我们这些男人也赶不上。她很小的时候，我就注意到她了，真是这样的。这女人设计的鞋子，到现在，我还在那不勒斯和外地卖着呢，我赚了很多钱。她把我在马尔蒂里广场的鞋店重新装修了一下，让那儿变成了基亚亚街、波西利波和沃美罗街上那些阔佬的沙龙。她还可以做很多很多其他事。但她很疯狂，觉得自己想做什么都可以，来了，去了，修理，打破。你以为是我把她解雇了？不是的，忽然有一天，她就不来上班了，若无其事地就不来了，就这样消失了。假如你逮住她，她还是会逃走，简直就是一条泥鳅。她的问题就在这里：尽管她非常聪明，但她不明白什么可以做，什么不能做。这是因为，她还没找到一个真正的男人。一个真正的男人会让女人正常起来。不会做饭？可以学。家里太脏了？打扫一下。一个真正的男人，可以让女人做任何事情。我举个例子，我前不久认识了一个女的，她不会吹口哨。好吧，我们在一起就待了两个小时——火热的两小时。我对她说：你现在吹口哨。她呢——你根本不会相信——她吹起了口哨。假如你会调教，女人就会乖乖的。假如你不会调教，那就算了，只能自己受罪。”他说最后那句话时，用的是一种非常严肃的语气，就好像在提出一个不容置疑的定论。但在他说话时，他就应该意识到，他自己也没有办法遵守自己提出的定论。这时候，他换了一个表情，声音也变了，他急切地需要凌辱她。他忽然转向莉拉，用一种越来越粗鲁的方言强调说：“但这个女人却很难对付，真他妈难摆平，你看看她的样子，眼睛小小的，奶子小小的，屁股也小小的，现在快瘦成一根扫把了。跟这样的一个女人，你能干什么，鸡巴挺都挺不起来，但只要一下，仅仅一下子：你看她一眼，就想上她。”
“You see, she really has a bad character.
I’m speaking, but she doesn’t give a damn, she pulls out a piece of paper,
says she wants to leave. But you forgive her, because she has many good
qualities that make up for her bad character. You think you hired a worker?
It’s not true. This woman is much, much more. If you let her, she’ll change
shit into gold for you, she’s capable of reorganizing this whole enterprise,
taking it to levels you can’t even imagine. Why? Because she has the type of
mind that normally no woman has but also that not even we men have. I’ve had
an eye on her since she was a child and it’s true. She designed shoes that I
still sell today in Naples and outside, and I make a lot of money. And she
renovated a shop in Piazza dei Martiri with such imagination that it became a
salon for the rich people from Via Chiaia, from Posillipo, from the Vomero.
And there are many—very many—other things she could do. But she has a crazy
streak, she thinks she can always do what she wants. Come, go, fix, break.
You think I fired her? No, one day, as if it were nothing, she didn’t come to
work. Just like that, vanished. And if you catch her again, she’ll slip away
again, she’s an eel. This is her problem: even though she’s extremely
intelligent, she can’t understand what she can do and what she can’t. That’s
because she hasn’t yet found a real man. A real man puts the woman in her
place. She’s not capable of cooking? She learns. The house is dirty? She
cleans it. A real man can make a woman do everything. For example: I met a
woman a while ago who didn’t know how to whistle. Well, we were together for
two hours only—hours of fire—and afterward I said to her: Now whistle.
She—you won’t believe it—whistled. If you know how to train a woman, good. If
you don’t know how to train her, forget about her, you’ll get hurt.” He
uttered these last words in a very serious tone, as if they summed up an
irrefutable commandment. But even as he was speaking, he must have realized
that he hadn’t been able, and was still unable, to respect his own law. So
suddenly his expression changed, his voice changed, he felt an urgent need to
humiliate her. He turned toward Lila with a jolt of impatience and said
emphatically, in a crescendo of obscenities in dialect: “But with her it’s
difficult, it’s not so easy to kiss her off. And yet you see what she looks
like, she has small eyes, small tits, a small ass, she’s just a broomstick.
With someone like that what can you do, you can’t even get it up. But an
instant is enough, a single instant: you look at her and you want to fuck
her.”
这时候，莉拉感觉脑子里有一阵疯狂的撞击，就好像她的心脏，不是在她嗓子眼跳动，而是在她的头骨里炸开了。她大声骂了起来，用的话比米凯莱还肮脏，她从书桌上抓起那个铜烟灰缸，烟屁股和烟灰撒得到处都是，她想用烟灰缸打他。但尽管她很生气，但她的动作很慢，没有力气，布鲁诺的声音——“莉娜，拜托了，你在干什么”——听起来也有气无力的。因此米凯莱很容易就阻止了她，他从她手上夺下了烟灰缸，怒气冲冲地说：
It was at that point that Lila felt a
violent bump inside her head, as if her heart, instead of hammering in her
throat, had exploded in her skull. She yelled an insult at him no less
obscene than the words he had uttered, she grabbed from the desk the bronze
ashtray, spilling out butts and ashes, and tried to hit him. But the gesture,
in spite of her fury, was slow, powerless. And even Bruno’s voice—Lina,
please, what are you doing—passed through her slowly. So maybe for that
reason Solara stopped her easily and easily took away the ashtray, saying to
her angrily:
“你觉得自己可以依仗索卡沃先生？你觉得我在这里不算什么？你搞错了。索卡沃先生上了我母亲的红本子，这已经有一段时间了。这个红本子比毛语录还要重要，因此你不是靠着他，你是靠着我，你一直都是靠着我，只靠着我。到现在为止，我对你放任自流，我想看看，你和你那个朋友，你们他妈能做出什么事儿。但你现在要记住，我盯着你的，如果我需要，你得马上来，明白吗？”
“You think you work for Dottor Soccavo?
You think I’m no one here? You are mistaken. Dottor Soccavo has been in my
mother’s red book for quite some time, and that book is a lot more important
than Mao’s little book. So you don’t work for him, you work for me, you work
for me and only me. And so far I’ve let you, I wanted to see what the fuck
you were driving at, you and that shit you sleep with. But from now on
remember that I have my eyes on you and if I need you, you better come
running, got that?”
只有在这时候，布鲁诺非常焦急地站了起来，说了一句：
Only then Bruno jumped to his feet
nervously and exclaimed:
“放开她，米凯！你有些过分了。”
“Leave her, Michè, you’re going too far.”
索拉拉轻轻地放开了莉拉的手腕，然后对着索卡沃，用意大利嘟囔了一句：
Solara let go of Lila’s wrist, then he
muttered, addressing Soccavo, again in Italian:
“你说得对，对不起，但卡拉奇太太有这种能力：她总是能让你表现得很夸张。”
“You’re right, sorry. But Signora
Carracci has this ability: one way or another she always compels you to go
too far.”
莉拉强压着自己的怒火，她仔细地搓了搓手腕，用手指尖弹开了落在她身上的一点烟灰，然后把那张写着请求的纸在布鲁诺眼前摊开。她出去的时候，对着索拉拉说：
Lina repressed her fury, she rubbed her
wrist carefully, with the tip of her finger she wiped off some ash that had
fallen on it. Then she unfolded the piece of paper with the demands, she
placed it in front of Bruno, and as she was going to the door she turned to
Solara, saying:
“我五岁时就会吹口哨。”
“I’ve known how to whistle since I was
five years old.”
