Sometimes I will feel that I will be average or below average. While I feel like this hasn’t been true in that I haven’t fell inadequate when I have felt average and for the most part I haven’t felt average or below average. It’s take a lot of hard work to be successful here. And I have put in that hard work. For the past 2 years in my job, I wasn’t pursuing anything that was passionate about or any of my avenues of growth. I wasn’t doing anything that helped my grow. I made the excuse that I was too busy with my work. But the reality of the situation was I was spending hours a day on my phone on social media. Not even that it was unproductive, it just wasn’t giving me any value at all. I guess you could say that I fall into the trap of living reactionarily, which was that a professor would assign a problem set and then I’d do that having set and then I have another problem to do, so I’d do that problem. But I wasn’t really proactively pursuing anything. It was all reactive. It was here something what are we gonna do about it. And so I wasn’t really do anything you had with my own accord. I was just doing what other people told me to do. And sure I was doing it well but that’s not really a good way to live life. I guess one way to think about it is that I basically stop living my own life and I just started living an average life of a normal human, which is something that I don’t want to do.
I am really trying to be proactive now. I started to read a lot. I am reading a book a week so far this year. It is been amazing.
