星期日 阳光灿烂
在培训课上,我们经常让学生实战英语基础写作。现在我们来评改一篇初三年级学生的英语习作。
习作题目梗概
我们学校的学生会组织了一个捐书活动。倡议初三年级的同学将使用过的书,报纸,还有材料捐给低年级的学生。其目的就是让同学们相互学习交流,减少浪费。
Dear editor,
I'm a student of Junior Three in the middle school in Guangdong provide. In our school, we have a activity. It's let All students of junior three donate the book, newspaper and some paper, they use to lower grade. The active tv it is base is, the library or in our school on the first floor. The time is joined tens, to join, I think this activity and promotes, friendly and encourage economic, because, the first you can know who read your book, and give him so advises to read the book, at least you can be friends, the second, if you don't donate books to the somebody you will throw them. It very waste. so it's good to protect the environment againest pollution.All for all, this activity have a lot of good thing. I am very support.
yours sincerely
Li hua
亮点:
首先,这名同学努力地用英语组织题目上的信息。应该值得表扬。其次,他尽力用所学过的句型和结构(条件状语从句,宾语从句)来表达内容。具有用英语写作从整篇习作看,这位同学的写作能力达到了初中生的基本要求。
1.词汇上使用了donate(捐赠),promote(提升),encourage(鼓励),environment(环境)等均属比较高级的词汇。
2. 使用了at least(至少)。
3. 宾语从句: You can know who read the book.
不足:
1. 习作出现了较多的词汇拼写、时态、名词的单复数错误。这一点会在评分等级上受到很大的影响。需要注意!
2. 虽然写作欲望强,但中式英语的痕迹比较重。It very wast. All for all, this activity have lots of good things, I'm very support.
但作为一名初三的学生,能写这么多的内容也算是尽了最大的努力。这位同学在有限的时间内尽可能的把自己的想法用英语表达出来。也使用了一些课本上所学过的句型和结构。
我是日系星球102号新宝宝,相信日积月累的力量,感恩自己每一天的选择!