An audiobook that I recently listened to:
1. Sort out the three converstaion
- "What happened" conversation
- Feeling conversation (need to listen/read hardly underneath the words to fully understand the feeling)
- Identity conversation (who we are and how we see ourselves; how does what happened affect my self-esteem)
2. Stop arguing about who's right: explore each other's stories (learn to look at things from another person's perspective)
3. Don't assume they mean it: disentangle intent from impact
- Bad intention --> bad impact
- Good intention --> bad impact
- Our assumption about intention is often wrong. Accusing other for bad intention always create defensiveness.
- Good intention don't sanitize bad impact.
- Always hole your view as a hypothesis
4. Abandon blame: Map the contribution system (take responsibilities for own action and admit mistake)
- Focus on blame hinders problem-solving
- Blame can leave a bad system undiscovered
- Don't avoid problems by being waiting, complaining to third party and unapproachable
