20190222晚上7点20分，11分钟，老师《21天提升幸福感正念冥想疗愈》第十四课-正念冥想，学会从批断转向慈悲

冥想前

终于坚持到了50天，当时坚持到20多天，30多天，40多天的时候就想纪念一下，这是从来没有过的活动，冥想及冥想日记，所以每一天都特别不同，觉得过得很慢，回想每一天都非常清晰，这就是时间的相对论。就像小的时候觉得时间过得那么慢因为每一天对我们来说都是那么不同，每一天都在探索了解未知，而这个冥想活动也让我有同样的感觉。早上练习瑜伽和舞蹈，让我爱上了运动，爱上了身体自由释放的感觉，在特殊的日子里我还如此精力旺盛，而且这次是我有史以来第一次感觉毫无不适感。我想这样的健康的状态要归于冥想和瑜伽的修炼。我也真正从一个讨厌运动的人转变成了一个热爱运动的人，而这一切是如此自然的发生，我几乎不知道要去感谢谁，我想是我自己。妈一直说我从小体弱多病，多少年我都认为自己身体差，而如今不管是我自己还是同修，还是教练都夸我身体素质好，体能好，身体灵活，这些巨大的变化就这样自然的发生了。我唯有感恩！我也领悟到了什么是真正的爱自己，当深悟到的时候，自己已经是破茧成蝶！

中午按昨天的计划针对个人发亲子之道的邀请，反应比昨天好多了，得到了一些积极的反应，就算是拒绝的我也是种下了好的种子，最开心的激动的是有2个人今天报了名，原想每天有一个人报名我就立大功了，感恩这些相熟或不相熟的朋友们对我的信任，也感恩他们自己的学习和爱心！想做成事，必须用心走心！

21 羞耻  我对性有羞耻感，怎么办？

❖性观念是如何形成的    为什么我们对性带有这么多的害羞，羞耻以及尴尬?这让我们和伴侣拥有一个非常亲密和满足的性爱关系就变得非常复杂以及困惑。这是一个很深的问题，我们要来看一下孩子的性观念这是如何形成的。性对于孩子来说是非常自然的，因为这就是我们能量的一部分，这也是我们是怎样拥有生命的。所以第一件事情就是性是天然。我们的身体就是为了性而生的，不只是为了性，也是为了繁衍，但是这个建立的结构是要以性愉悦为基础的。大自然是不会犯错的，但是我们在这个社会中长大，现今社会我们这一代人都缺乏对性的理解。孩子需要去观察到一个父母之间的健康的吸引。显然，孩子不需要见证自己父母性生活的部分，但是他们要看到，父母之间的互相吸引以及欣赏，以及父母之间的爱。如果孩子是在父母实际的分离中长大的，在父母的性关系中看不到任何正面的信息，没有谈论过在异性之间的情感和相互吸引，这种呈现就是一种羞愧感，即便没有任何语言的传递，但孩子还是收到了这个对性拒绝的信息，而孩子已经内化了这种羞愧感。对于一个女孩来说，什么样的信息可以让她创造绽放的性关系?孩子需要在父母的关系中看到性的部分，这个性当然不是指性行为，而是要去看到异性之间的情感和相互吸引，这会让孩子感到安全并给孩子自信，他们也可以去让这种自然的异性关系形成。母亲在孩子早期性发展的过程中起到相当关键的作用，母亲需要向孩子展示成为一个女人是什么意思，享受美丽是什么意思，感官享受是什么意思，如果没有感官上的享受，那么性就会变得非常困难。

冥想后From Judgments to CompassionOne of the most common issues I hear from people in my courses is what to do about their judgments. This is an issue dear to me as I discovered many years ago, when I first started experimenting with these techniques, that I also had a very strongly judgmental way of looking at people and things. I also realized at the time that I had spent my whole life with this attitude, without even realizing it. It was no surprise that I had become a cynical lawyer! That realization, even though it was painful, was the beginning of a complete change in the kind of person I was… and that change came about through practicing these techniques. Mostly we are not aware of how much of our time we spend judging others and comparing ourselves with others. It is almost as if the mind can do nothing else… it is like a continual radio going on in the back of our heads which we have become so accustomed to we don’t even notice it. Remember… when you look at people, even strangers in the street, are your thoughts more likely to be critical or more likely to be compassionate? Be honest with yourself. And remember how the mind immediately jumps to conclusions and assumptions about people, without knowing much about them at all. In this week’s lesson we will experiment with what happens when we shift our attention from the mind, where all these judgments and assumptions live, to the heart. Does it make any difference in our lives? When we are in our heart, feeling connected to that energetic center in the chest, we have a very different way of looking, as we saw in Lesson 12. Normally when we look through the mind, we are looking out, our energy goes outwards. And we are very busy with thoughts – generally critical thoughts – so there is a kind of tension involved. We want to see things in a certain way, we want things to fit with our ideas, to be the way we expect. And we judge and criticise when things are not how we want them to be. Do you recognise that?When we look through the heart, we don’t have any ideas or assumptions about how things should be. So we can see with more clarity the full picture, the present reality. And from the heart it is very easy to remember that we are all vulnerable. We are all helpless in the face of death and illness and the calamities and disasters that life sometimes brings. In that sense, we are all the same. Some of us may be better equipped to dealing with these things, but still life throws everyone a curve ball from time to time. Technique: Looking With CompassionCompassion is not pity This is not about feeling sorry for that person – just as forgiveness makes you feel superior, so does feeling sorry. Pity is a kind of arrogance and takes peoples’ dignity away. This exercise is instead about developing your heart. You don’t have to do anything for that person, or say anything to them, unless it genuinely comes from your heart. It is enough that you notice something melting in you. That will relax something in you and the other person may or may not also feel that. What do I mean by ‘unless it genuinely comes from the heart’? I mean that your action has no motivation, no goal, no expectation of getting something in return. If there is a motivation, or if you are expecting some gratitude in return, then it is not from the heart. It is a trade, and all trading comes from the mind. HomeworkStart to notice the kind of thoughts you have about other people when you see them. Be honest with yourself – don’t try and have ‘good’ or ‘nice’ thoughts. The idea is to become aware of how your mind operates when it is unconscious, which is most of the time.And then notice how it feels when you judge… become aware of how it feels in your face, especially around your jaw and eyes; feel the expression around your mouth. And notice how it affects your energy and mood – is it a good feeling? Does it lift you up or put you down? Does it make you feel expanded or contracted? Just notice – do not judge yourself for whatever you might observe, that would be missing the point. We are just becoming aware of unconscious behaviors, and that gives us the opportunity to change them if we want.And also start to become aware of how it influences your behavior with others, when you are carrying judgments about them. Does it make you feel more open towards them, or more closed? Notice how it affects your communication with them. Is it natural and easy, or a bit uptight? Can you feel the wall your judgments create between yourself and others? When you notice your mind judging, take a deep breath and connect to your heart. Just be aware of your heart. And practice looking with compassion at that person. Remember that they also have difficulties in their life, even if they hide it. They are also vulnerable - remember that. And notice something relaxing inside you when you do that.Remember this practice is for you, not the other person!