3 Things Good Listeners Consistently Do
If you want to be a better listener, practice these elements.
如果你想成为一个更好的倾听者，练习这些三个窍门。
In the Fall of 2016, I was a fresh graduate of the exercise science master’s program at SUNY Cortland where I was also teaching and coaching strength and conditioning.
2016年秋天，我刚从纽约州立大学科特兰分校的运动科学硕士项目毕业，在那里我也教授和训练力量和体能训练。
Frankly, I was
in a rut
. My relationship with my girlfriend was
on the verge of collapsing
and I was realizing I did not have upward mobility in my current position.
坦率地说，我的生活很乏味。我和女朋友的关系处于崩溃的边缘，我意识到我在目前的位置上没有上升的动力。
In a rut 很乏味，千篇一律
The rut came to a head when I received a text from my girlfriend saying we needed to talk. My stomach dropped. I couldn’t focus.
当我收到女朋友的一条短信说我们需要谈谈的时候，我的生活陷入了僵局。我的心一下子沉了下来。我不能专注。
I sent a message to my advisor, Dr. Lind, who was a counselor before he was an exercise psychologist.“Can we talk?” I asked.He told me to come over to his office. I mustered together every ounce of strength I had.“Don’t you cry, whatever you do, don’t you cry” I said to myself.
我给我的导师林德博士发了一条信息，他在做运动心理学家之前是一名顾问。 “我们可以谈谈吗?”我问。 他叫我到他办公室去一趟。我把我所拥有的每一分力量都聚集在一起。 “不要哭,不管你做什么,不要哭”我对自己说。
Dr. Lind told me to sit down. I don’t remember if I spoke first or just cried. Sentences were interrupted by deep sobs and
sporadic expletives
.
林德博士让我坐下。我不记得自己是先开口还是哭了。句子被深沉的啜泣和零星的咒骂打断。
sporadic 英 [spəˈrædɪk] 美 [spəˈrædɪk] adj. 零星的；分散的；不定时发生的
expletive 英 [ɪkˈspliːtɪv] 美 [ˈeksplətɪv] n. 咒骂语；填补物；（语法）虚词 adj. 附加的
He didn’t interrupt, he didn’t offer advice, and as I continued to talk something happened. I started to feel better. And as I started to feel better, I noticed how he was interacting with me.
他没有打断我的话，也没有提出建议，就在我继续讲的时候，发生了一些事情。我开始感觉好多了。当我开始感觉好些时，我注意到他是如何和我互动的。
I learned that listening is a skill that most people do not possess and being on the receiving end of a good listening experience feels amazing.
我了解到倾听是一种大多数人都不具备的技能，成为一个好的倾听者感觉很奇妙。
My advisor taught me three things about listening: (1) the importance of silence (2) the value of reflections and (3) the power of open-ended questions. I took these three skills to heart. I practiced them when I spoke with friends and worked with clients.
我的导师教了我关于倾听的三件事:(1)沉默的重要性(2)反思的价值(3)开放式问题的力量。我把这三个技巧牢记于心。我在与朋友交谈和与客户工作时练习过这些技巧。
The
sparsity
of good listeners concerns me. I believe the rarity of this skill is due to a lack of knowledge. If we don’t receive it, how can we know what it is like? If something can be learned it can be practiced. And if it can be practiced it can be improved.
好听众的稀少使我担心。我相信这种技能的罕见是由于缺乏知识。如果我们不接受它，我们怎么知道它是什么样子呢?如果某件事可以学习，那么它就可以被实践。
sparsity n.稀少，稀疏度
If you want to improve the quality of relationships with your friends, significant others, and colleagues, consider what good listeners do.
如果可以练习，就可以提高。 如果你想改善你和朋友、重要的人、同事之间的关系，考虑一下好的倾听者会怎么做。
They Provide Silence.How many times have you wanted to say more in a conversation, to
divulge
sensitive feelings, to allow yourself to be vulnerable, only to have the other person
chime in
? Nothing shuts you down like being interrupted or not having enough space to sit with your thoughts.
他们提供的沉默。有多少次你想在谈话中说更多的话，泄露敏感的感觉，允许自己脆弱，只为了让对方附和?没有什么比被打扰或者没有足够的空间来思考更能让你停下来的了。
chime in with 与……保持一致；插话
Being silent in a conversation can feel awkward at first, but it is the only way to give a person the chance to
elaborate on
how they feel. It builds trust and gives people time to think about what they want to say next. Often, our thoughts are imperfectly encoded into words. Silence gives people a chance to say what they mean.
一开始，沉默会让人感到尴尬，但这是让人有机会详细阐述自己感受的唯一方法。这样可以建立信任，让人们有时间思考接下来要说什么。通常，我们的想法被不完美地编码到文字中。沉默给了人们表达自己意思的机会。
elaborate on 阐述……
Practice waiting 3-5 seconds after someone has said something before speaking. You will notice that they often have more to say.
练习等3-5秒后再开口说话。你会注意到他们通常有更多的话要说。
They Reflect.Low-level listeners focus on what words mean to them and wait for their turn to talk. Moderate-level listeners focus on words. Proficient listeners focus on what words mean.
反映出：低水平的听众专注于话语对他们的意义，等待轮到他们说话。中等水平的听众关注话语。熟练的听众关注话语的意思。
Imagine that I was having a conversation with you. The conversational process goes like this:1.I have a thought.2.I translate that thought into words.3.You hear my words.4.You make your best guess as to what my words mean.
想象我在和你说话。对话的过程是这样的: 1. 我有一个想法。 2. 我用语言表达了我的想法。 3.你听我说。 4. 你尽力猜我话的意思
Reflective statements make a best guess as to what the speaker means. Reflections are a powerful tool for understanding. It allows people to hear their words mirrored back.
反思性语句对说话者的意思做出了最好的猜测。反思是理解的有力工具。它能让人们听到自己所说的话。
It allows the listener to tell you whether or not you are on the same page. A powerful reflection happens when you can make a best guess of not only what the person is trying to say but also what they are feeling or what they need.
它允许听者告诉你你是否与他同步。当你能很好地猜测对方想说什么，以及他们的感受或需要什么的时候，就会产生强烈的反应。
They Ask Open-Ended Questions.Open-ended questions continue the narrative, they invite discussion. Open-ended questions are used to explore perceptions and concerns. They cannot be answered with a yes, no, or a one-word answer. There is a big difference between “how was your day?” and “tell me about the best part of your day?”
他们问一些开放式的问题 开放式的问题会继续叙述，也会引发讨论。使用开放式的问题去探索认知和关注。不能用“是”、“不是”或一个词来回答它们。“你今天过得怎么样?”和“告诉我你一天中最美好的时光是什么?”之间区别就很大。
Start by
paying attention to your questions. Do they invite one-word responses or do they further the dialogue?
首先要注意你的问题。他们是想要一个词的回答，还是促进对话?
Don’t expect perfection in your listening skills. Simply aim for improvement. This is all
doable
by providing silence, perceptive reflections, and open-ended questions in your daily interactions.
不要期望你的倾听技巧完美无缺。只要以改进为目标。通过在你的日常互动中提供沉默，有洞察力的反思和开放式的问题，这一切都是可行的。
简书不定期更新，更多学习资料请关注。
公众号：一只学生啊
小红书：一只学生啊
