125 what will i do to make my life better

i know that i am not satisfied with my life. i don't have a lot of money. i work 5 days a week, and have no annual vacation, i don't have the money the time and passport for traveling to go abroad. and i don't like myself that much. i am an ordinary, i am not that kind of genius that is smarter than most of people in the world. i am very contradictory. i don't what to do small things to change my life. in my dreams, i have been super-heros. i saved people, and I saved the world. people need me, people adore me. i don't want to be little. i want to be a great person. i worte on zhihu.com that i admit that i am a ordinary person. but at the deepest of my heart, i can't accept that fact. i always wished that i were someone unique. i wished that i were the one that the world was created for. i want to change myself. but i can't. i feel that my future won't be the way as i expected. i want to learn some programing language, and i made up plans for many times. but none of they succeeded. i am very afraid that people will leave me. i feel so bad when i am worrying that will leave me. i want to go home. i want to cry.