What are we choosing to give a fuck about?

What values are we choosing to base our actions on?

What metrics are we choosing to use to measure our life?

And are those good choices - good values and good metrics?

时常自问以警醒。

Chapter Five  You are always choosing 

The choice

The responsibility / fault fallacy

Responding to tragedy

Genetics and the hand we're dealt

Victimhood chic

There is no "how"

Questions

1. What does " you are always choosing "? Can you define it and give an example?

Answer:

Whether someone does something or not, he/she is making a choice.

For example: 

When someone asks you which kind of ice cream you would like to have, you response is that "whatever is okay". It seems that you chose nothing but you have already chosen to accept everything. 

2. What's the point of telling William James's story?

Answer:

Although you have been born to be a tragedy and become miserably depressed to death, you still and always have the right to choose to handle your problems actively or passively. 

3. Any responsibility problems you had with your boyfriend/ girlfriend or parents? If any, please tell us your story.

Answer:

My ex-boyfirend and I went to university in different places. I'd been worrying about our relationship due to the long distance. One night, I had a heart-to-heart conversation with my new roommate for hours and was persuaded to break up with him. I was regretful next morning and called him. But he said that he thought the whole thing one night and believed it good to be best friend for us. So we are friends since then. 

I admitted my irresponsibility firstly but then blamed his ruthlessness in my heart. I had been feeling insecure and skeptical of our relationship in a period. Then I found a chance to choose the easiest method to get rid of my insecurity. After breaking up with him, I gradually became sad and regretful but also disappointed of his fast recovery. My regretfulness sometimes turned out to be blame. He should have forgiven me once.

It has been a long time since then. I can calmly say that we are both responsible for the outcome. After reading this chapter, I can be calmer to accept my own faults and irresponsibility. I chose it. So I am responsible for it and accept it.

Thoughts

Fault is past tense. Responsibility is present sense.

对于过去的事情，以前我总是会习惯于设想如果。。。是否会。。。而这种设想的对象更多的是自己认为不完美的事情，范围再缩小一点就是错事。总是以为是过去没有做好才导致现在的不如意，以前能够想到的解决办法是回到过去重新再来。

近来我一直在问自己，是不是真的如自己所想，回到过去我会做的更好，答案是No。当时的做法已经是最好，已经是我当时的所有经验导向的结果。过去的就是过去式，留到现在的只能是经验，一种客观的不带过多感情色彩的经验。

就像是自己看公众号上面的一些干货，这些冷静客观的干货是别人的总结，生活到现在我已经可以做出一些看上去干货满满的经验，只是自己从未客观的冷静的去梳理自己的过往，也没有让过去成为过去。当下的时间懊悔过去，当下的时间畅想未来，在未来的时间里发现自己之前并没有做事而只是设想。

所以除了上面那句话之外，我特别喜欢作者说的“There is no 'how' ”。没有套路，没有设想，只有行动，只有现在时，也只能做好现在时，当下自己的选择就是自己能够掌控的，责任也只能够是现在实现。想要坚持，不是明天开始坚持，只是当下这一秒投入自己的事情。

Words

But once he finally made it, on the first day of the expedition, he promptly contracted smallpox and nearly died in the jungle.

contract

[释义] (formal) to get an illness - SYN: catch

[例句] Two-thirds of the adult population there have contracted AIDS.

[造句] Nowadays, newly-born babies will get vaccinated regularly to keep from contracting smallpox and other diseases.

By this time, he was emaciated and starved from the smallpox, immobilized by his bad back, and left alone in the middle of South America...

emaciated

[释义] extremely thin from lack of food or illness

[例句] The prisoners were ill and emaciated.

[造句] After a long period of famine, local citizens have starved to be emaciated, some of who have died of hunger.

James fell into a deep depression and began making plans to take his own life.

take one's life

[释义] 早上看微博里一条新闻说是天线宝宝中的丁丁扮演者突然离世，在他的讣告里面写到的是“My wonderful uncle Simon Barnes has been taken from us all so suddenly.” 某人的离世的委婉说法可以考虑take了。

The few times he did, he would home in on the smallest behaviors from any woman he talked with that could possibly indicate he wasn't attractive enough for her and then convince himself that she didn't like him, even if she really did.

home in on

[释义] to direct your thoughts or attention towards something

[例句] I began to feel I was really homing in on the answer.

[造句] I have been homing in on his every improvement and encouraging him to achieve more since I knew his born mental disorder.

Commit to memory

Sure, the person who gets dealt great cards has a higher likelihood of winning the hand, but ultimately the winner is determined by-yup, you guessed it- the choices each player makes throughout play.