绝对震惊所有父母，斯坦福实验：“表扬孩子”与“鼓励孩子”差别巨大！

Absolutely shocking to all parents, Stanford study: There is a huge difference between "praising your child" and "encouraging your child"!

subtitle

小天使饲养手册

Handbook of cherub breeding

2021-12-26 11:13 The 2021-12-26"

“表扬”与“鼓励”通常被不加区分地对待，但斯坦福大学的研究人员的测试结果表明二者差异巨大。今天分享一篇文章给各位，希望各位宝妈宝爸们给孩子多一些激励，少一些表扬。

斯坦福大学著名发展心理学家卡罗尔德韦克在过去的10年里，和她的团队都在研究表扬对孩子的影响。他们对纽约20所学校，400名五年级学生做了长期的研究，这项研究结果令学术界震惊。

Carol Dweck, a prominent developmental psychologist at Stanford University, and her team have been studying the effects of praise on children for the past 10 years. Their long-term study of 400 fifth graders in 20 New York schools stunned the academic community.

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1、孩子对表扬或鼓励有多敏感？ 1. How sensitive are children to praise or encouragement?

首先，让孩子们独立完成一系列智力拼图任务。研究人员每次只从教室里叫出一个孩子，进行第一轮智商测试。测试题目是非常简单的智力拼图，几乎所有孩子都能相当出色地完成任务。

First, the children were asked to complete a series of puzzles on their own. The researchers took the first round of IQ tests one child at a time from the classroom. The test was a very simple jigsaw puzzle, and almost all the children did it fairly well.

每个孩子完成测试后，研究人员会把分数告诉他，并附一句鼓励或表扬的话。研究人员随机地把孩子们分成两组，一组孩子得到的是一句关于智商的夸奖，即表扬，比如，“你在拼图方面很有天分，你很聪明。”另外一组孩子得到是一句关于努力的夸奖，即鼓励，比如，“你刚才一定非常努力，所以表现得很出色。”

When each child completed the test, the researchers told him his score, along with a word of encouragement or praise. The researchers randomly divided the children into two groups. One group received an IQ compliment, a compliment, such as, "You have a gift with puzzles, you are smart." The other group received a compliment about their effort, an encouragement, such as, "You must have worked really hard to do that."

2、被夸奖与被鼓励，接下来的行为大不同 Be praised and encouraged, the next behavior is very different

随后，孩子们参加第二轮拼图测试，他们可以自由选择参加哪一种测试。一种较难，但会在测试过程中学到新知识。另一种是和上一轮类似的简单测试。

The children then took a second puzzle test, which they were free to choose which to take. One is harder, but you learn something new during the test. The other is a simple test similar to the last one.

结果发现，那些在第一轮中被夸奖努力的孩子中，有90%选择了难度较大的任务。而那些被表扬聪明的孩子，则大部分选择了简单的任务。

It found that 90 percent of the kids who were praised for their effort in the first round chose the harder task. Those praised for their intelligence, on the other hand, mostly chose the easy task.

为什么会这样呢？德韦克在研究报告中写道：“当我们夸孩子聪明时，等于是在告诉他们，为了保持聪明，不要冒可能犯错的险。”这也就是实验中“聪明”的孩子的所作所为：为了保持看起来聪明，而躲避出丑的风险。

Why is that? "When we tell our children they are smart, we are telling them not to risk making mistakes in order to stay smart," Dweck wrote in the study. That's what the "smart" kids in the experiment did: avoid the risk of making a fool of themselves in order to keep looking smart.

3、测试继续进行，差别越来越大 As the test went on, the differences grew

接下来又进行了第三轮测试。这一次，所有孩子参加同一种测试，没有选择。这次测试很难，是初一水平的考题。可想而知，孩子们都失败了。先前得到不同夸奖的孩子们，对失败产生了差异巨大的反应。

A third round of tests followed. This time, all the children took the same test and had no choice. This test is very difficult. It's grade one level. Predictably, the children failed. Children who had previously received different compliments had vastly different reactions to failure.

那些先前被夸奖努力的孩子，认为失败是因为他们不够努力。

Children who had previously been praised for trying hard thought they had failed because they had not tried hard enough.

而那些被表扬聪明的孩子认为，失败是因为他们不够聪明。

Those who were praised for being smart thought they had failed because they were not smart enough.

接下来，他们给孩子们做了第四轮测试。这次的题目和第一轮一样简单。那些被夸奖努力的孩子，在这次测试中的分数比第一次提高了30%左右，而那些被夸奖聪明的孩子，这次的得分和第一次相比，却退步了大约20%。

Next, they gave the children a fourth round of tests. This time the questions are as simple as the first round. The kids who were told they were hard-working scored about 30 percent better on the test than they did the first time, while the kids who were told they were smart scored about 20 percent worse.

德韦克一直怀疑，表扬对孩子不一定有好作用，但这个实验的结果，还是大大出乎她的意料。

Dweck had always suspected that praise might not be good for children, but the results of this experiment came as a surprise to her.

4、多鼓励，少表扬 Encourage more, praise less

德韦克的实验重复了很多次。她发现，无论孩子有怎样的家庭背景，都受不了被夸奖聪明后遭受挫折的失败感。男孩女孩都一样，尤其是好成绩的女孩，遭受的打击程度最大。甚至学龄前儿童也一样，这样的表扬都会害了他们。

Dweck's experiment was repeated many times. She found that children of all backgrounds could not bear the feeling of failure after being told they were smart. Boys and girls alike, especially those with good grades, are hit the hardest. Even preschoolers can be hurt by such praise.

鼓励通常是针对过程和态度的，“爸爸看到你这学期的努力，为你骄傲！”表扬通常是针对结果和成效的，“爸爸看到你成绩提高，为你高兴！”

Encouragement is usually about process and attitude, "Dad sees your efforts this semester and is proud of you!" Praise is usually results-oriented and results-oriented, "Dad is so happy that you're getting better grades!"

多鼓励，少表扬；多描述，少评价，可以避免孩子被表扬“绑架”，或因输不起而为达目的不择手段。

Encourage more, praise less; By describing more than judging, you can prevent your child from being praised for "kidnapping" or being a sore loser and doing whatever it takes to get what you want.

鼓励式的表扬才是教育的根本原则和方法，我们应该坚持运用这个方法。

Encouraging praise is the basic principle and method of education, we should stick to this method.

承认孩子的每一份努力和进步，对他们会取得最终胜利表现出信心，关注孩子在朝着目标迈进的过程中取得的进步，而非失误，这就是鼓励的本质所在！ Acknowledge your child's every effort and progress, show confidence that they will succeed in the end, and focus on your child's progress toward goals, not mistakes. This is the essence of encouragement!

而表扬孩子时，怎么做才可以达到鼓励的效果？我们总结了这些小技巧： And when praising children, what can be done to achieve the effect of encouragement? We've rounded up these tips:

1．客观描述孩子值得鼓励的行为和成果；

1. Objective description of children's encouraging behavior and achievements;

2．不要拿孩子跟别人作比较；

2. Don't compare your child to others;

3．关注并说出孩子的感觉；

3. Notice and speak about your child's feelings;

4．指出孩子的小进步。

4. Point out your child's small progress.

比如孩子培养孩子的画画兴趣，很多父母在孩子完成一幅画后，可能只是一句赞美的话带过：“嗯，宝贝真棒，这幅画画得真好！”

For example, when a child develops an interest in painting, many parents may simply compliment their child after completing a painting by saying, "HMM, nice baby, that's a great drawing!"

其实这样的表扬，并不能充分调动孩子的积极性。

In fact, such praise, and can not fully mobilize the enthusiasm of children.

我们应该给表扬赋予鼓励的力量，比如这样表扬孩子的画画：“嗯，这幅画画得真好！我尤其喜欢这棵大树，你看，叶子画得多好啊，我都能感觉到它们在风中摇曳的样子！我也喜欢你的用色……”

Praise should be given the power of encouragement, such as praising a child's drawing by saying, "HMM, that's a great drawing! I especially like this big tree, you see, how well the leaves are painted ah, I can feel their swaying in the wind! I like your colours too..."

这样的表扬价值不仅表现在认知和行为上，也表现在儿童道德观的形成上。 Such praise value is not only reflected in cognition and behavior, but also in the formation of children's moral outlook.

所以，每次要表扬孩子的时候，我们一定要尽量说出他值得表扬的细节，也要尽可能多地描述自己因为他的这些优点而感受到的快乐和骄傲。这样鼓励式的表扬，可以让孩子感受到真诚和增强自信，孩子也会因此知道父母的价值观，以及父母希望他能做到什么。

Therefore, every time we praise a child, we must try to give the details of his commendable, but also as much as possible to describe their own happiness and pride because of these advantages. This kind of encouraging praise can make a child feel sincere and confident, so that the child knows what their parents value and what they expect from him.

至于这种表扬给孩子带来的好处，相信不需要我再赘述，当用心实践后，一定都能明白。

As for the benefits brought to children by this kind of praise, I believe that I do not need to repeat, when the intention of practice, must be able to understand.

每个孩子终其一生都或多或少在寻求父母的认同，而这种对父母认同的渴望，在孩子五六岁时就开始发展得尤为明显，所以一定要在这个时候就尽量满足他们。

Every child seeks parental approval more or less throughout his or her life, and this desire for parental approval is particularly evident when children are five or six years old, so try to satisfy them at this time.

对孩子最大的鼓励，是父母直接给予的肯定，这样的表扬是属于彼此之间最强韧而私密的联系，一个眼神、一个手势都能深深地烙印在孩子的心底；因为在他羽翼尚未丰满前，这个世界是父母帮他撑起的，等他翱翔的那一天，他也只会并且最在乎父母是否为他感到骄傲。 The greatest encouragement to children is the affirmation given directly by parents. Such praise is the strongest and private connection between each other. A look or gesture can be deeply imprinted on the child's heart. Because before he was fully fledged, the world was held up by his parents, and when he flew that day, he would only and most care about whether his parents were proud of him.

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