这个周日，七夕，可是女友下周五才回。
几年了，这个日子总是由于各种原因没在一起过，希望你不要介意。
In no time（很快） Juli and Shelly got into some kind of catfight（开始明争暗斗）, and while Shelly recovering from（从...走出来；恢复） that, my supposed friend Garrett---who had been totally behind this plan---told her what I was up to. He's always denied（否认） it, but I've since learned that his code of honor is easily corrupted（腐化） by weepy females（哭泣的女人）.
That afternoon the principal（当事人） tried crosss-examining（反复盘问） me, but I wouldn't cop（抓住/发现某人干坏事） to anything. I just kept telling her that I was sorry and that I really didn't understand what had happend. Finally she let me go .
Shelly cried for days and followed me around school sniffing and making me feel like a real jerk, which was even wrose than having Juli as a shadow.
Everything blew over（平息） at the one-week mark, though, when Shelly officially（正式） demped（抛弃） me and started going out with Kyle Larsen. Then Juli started up with the goo-goo eyes again, and I was back to square one.
Now, in sixth grade things changed, though whether they improved is hard to say（但是很难说是好是坏）. I don't remember Juli actually chasing me in the sixth grade. But I do remember her sniffing（嗅；闻） me.
Yes, my friend, i said sniffing.
And you can blame（把...归咎于） that on our teacher, Mr. Mertins. He stuck（插入；塞） Juli to me like glue（胶水）. Mr. Mertins has got some kind of doctorate（博士学位） in seating arrangements（坐席位）or something, because he analyzed（分析） and scrutinized（仔细检查） and practically（几乎；简直） baptized（给...施洗礼） the seats we had to sit in. And of course he decided（决定） to seat Juli right next to me .
简意：
很快，朱莉和席琳开始了明争暗斗。当席琳开始走出斗争时，我的朋友加瑞特，那个为我出谋划策的人，居然告诉她我为什么和她走这么近。他还不承认这件事，从那时起，我算是知道了他的底线在一个哭泣的女人面前是多么容易被打破。
过程很明显，虽然我极力地去解释，但她还是抛弃了我。
朱莉知道后，又开始对我迸发出激情。
到了6年纪之后，朱莉开始发生了改变，但很难说是好是坏---她开始闻我，对，是闻我，你没有听错。
这一切都怪马丁老师，是他把朱莉塞到我身边，如胶似漆地粘着我。马丁老师获得了关于座位的某种博士学位，每次都仔仔细细地检查座位，甚至要为他们施以洗礼，没错，就是他决定把朱莉安排到我身边坐着的。
后记：翻译起来还是有些蹩脚，除了查询生词外，还没翻过任何其他相关书籍。
