今天工作上遇见个难缠的人，因为一点小事不爽就被情绪带着跑，给我打了不下十个电话，我顿时有种双方已经分手，男生还被前女友纠缠不休的感觉。这促使我思考摆脱情绪控制的对策，也越来越理解理性思考的重要性，很多时候至少要想明白你的目的是什么。

        理论总是抽象的，回归到儿童教育上，都是如何做。这里分享一封真实的邮件，坐标美国，是幼儿园老师给一位爸爸的邮件，里面给出了多种处理儿童情绪的建议。花了1个小时编辑翻译，但愿对大家有帮助。（以下为邮件）

        你好，詹尼佛！接着我们之前的谈话，这儿有一些方法能帮助麦克斯（和所有的朋友们）在学校缓解愤怒和伤心的情绪。

        用语言表达

        当麦克斯愤怒地抱着手臂说不的时候，我们请他用语言来告诉我们怎么了，有什么我们能帮助他的。有时候我们甚至会说“我们不明白你的意思，你能用语言告诉我吗？那样我才知道要怎么帮你 ”。有时他还是会拒绝表达他的感受，也不愿意告诉我们是什么事儿让他觉得伤心难过。那我们可以告诉他，只有等他准备好告诉我们的时候，我们才能帮到他。这种方法可以加强正面行为，而不是负面行为。

        承认感受

        有时候承认他们的感受和帮助他们解决情绪同样重要。当他们叨叨自己的感受时，我们可以这样帮他们承认感受：“我明白你现在很生气/很难过，谢谢你用语言告诉我。”

        共同处理

        当我们听他说完自己的感受，我们可以说些“我们怎么帮你你会觉得好点呢？”之类的话，大部分这个年龄段的孩子脑子里都没有对策，因为他们还在情绪中，这时候我们就能给他一些建议了。

        舒缓情绪的对策

      在学校我们有本“感受书”，里面讲述人们如何变得生气和伤心，也讲到生气难过是可以的，但是尖叫、伤害别人和摔东西是不可以的。还有一些“感受卡”，上面有图片描述做什么事能觉得好一些（比如看书、抱抱、坐一会儿、深呼吸、数数、玩玩具等等）。

        提供选择

        有时孩子们失控的时候会感到愤怒，可以给他们提供一些合理的选择（比如我们有感受卡你要不要），这样可以很好地帮他们恢复到更好的状态。这个好处在于孩子选出的任何一个选择都是合适的，而孩子通过做选择也能有掌控和自由的感受。比如如果你对麦克斯说“我知道你生气，你想要抱抱还是自己待会儿？”或者“等乐高玩具的时间里，你想玩这个拼图还是想玩橡皮泥？”也有些时候一些基本的事麦克斯都不想做（比如因为外面下雪要穿外套）我们就对他说“你自己穿还是我给你穿”意思是他能选择他自己穿或者你帮他穿，如果他不回答，就说明你可以帮他穿。

        休息一会儿

        休息一会儿也是个我们会用的对策。如何孩子看上去无比生气或难受，并且不想谈论或接受帮助，我们会请他去休息一会儿，到舒服的阅读角坐一会儿，让身体冷静一下。有时候我们就是需要精神上放松一下，来缓解环境产生的这些强烈情绪。有时麦克斯生气会自己解决，他会说“我要去舒服角落待一会儿”，我特别开心他学会了应对的技能。他甚至还会说“我好了”，意思是他平静了，可以参与到课堂中来了。

        当麦克斯生气时，在课堂中最有效的办法是给他一些空间去舒服角待会儿。我觉得这能让他放松一些，看一会儿小伙伴们玩，然后他又可以开心地回到我们的课堂中来。

        有时候一个对策在一段时间会比其他策略更好用，所以多准备些策略总是好的。希望这些对你有所帮助！

Hi Jennifer,

To continue our conversation from earlier here are some ways we support Max (and all friends) when he is feeling angry or sad at school.

-Using your words.

When Max folds his arms angrily or says no, we ask him to please tell us to use his words to tell us what is wrong and how we can help. Sometimes we even add saying, "we don't understand what that means, please use your words so we can understand and help you." Sometimes if he still refuses to talk to us about his feelings or what action may have happened to make him upset we tell him that when he is ready to tell us that is when we can help. That way we are enforcing positive behavior instead of negative.

-Acknowledging feelings.

Sometimes it is just as equally important to validate their feelings as it is to help them to solve them. When he verbalizes his feelings we will acknowledge them by saying something like "I understand you feel sad/angry. Thank you for using your words to tell me how you feel."

-Working together

After we hear from him how he is feeling, we then say something along the lines of "what can we do to help you feel better?" Most times children at this age may not have a strategy in mind because they are consumed by their emotions still. This is when we can help to make suggestions.

-Strategies to feel better

At school we have a "feeling book" that talks about how people get upset or angry and how "it's okay to feel upset sometimes, but it is never okay to scream, hurt others, or break things". Then there are "feeling cards" that have pictures of things to show how they can feel better (such as looking at a book, getting a hug, sitting, breathing, counting, playing with play doh etc.)

-Giving choices

Sometimes children can feel angry if they feel a lack of control, giving a few appropriate choices (like we have with the feeling cards) can greatly help them bounce back to a better self. What's great about this is that the caregiver is giving options where either one the child picks is appropriate, and the child feels a sense of control and freedom by making the choice. For example if you said to Max "I know your upset, would you like a hug or some space" or "would you like to use this puzzle or the play doh while you are waiting for the legos?" There are also times that if Max is refusing to do something that is essential (such as putting on a coat because it is snowing outside) we tell him"you or me." This means that he can choose whether he will put it on or you for him. If he doesn't answer that means you can do it.

-Taking a break is also another strategy we use. If a child seems overwhelmed with anger or sadness and is not willing to talk about it or receive help we ask them to please take a break and have a seat in our cozy book corner to help them calm their bodies. Sometimes we all just need a moment to ourselves to mentally take a break from the environment that may be causing these high emotions. Max will sometimes seek this out himself when he seems angry, he will say "i'm going to the cozy corner" which is great to see he is learning coping skills! He'll even say at times "I'm ready" meaning he feels at peace again to participate in the classroom.

When Max is angry what seems to be most effective to help him in the classroom is having some space in the cozy corner. I think this allows him to take a break and watch his friends for some minutes and then he seems to happily bounce back to our work cycle.

Sometimes one strategy works in a moment more than another, so it's always great to have a bag full of strategies. I hope this helps!