Preface
Finally I wrote this article, every year I will write an article to summary my one year and expect the wishes in next year. even thought lots of my friends asked me this year's article. I postponed it until today the first day in US of lunar new year day, and until now 01/22/2023 Sunday starting at 22:52 EST and ending at 01/23/2023 Monday 3:58 EST.
I thought of many version of this article, and I thought this version will be the most favorite one because I think clearly something and changed my attitude & mood recently, and it is the time I write something, and make a summary of my 2022. This year I want to try it in English, please ignore my poor English, I have no confidence with English even though I lived in US for one and half year.
and this year,I may change the way I show you, not the ambitious word, the motivated things, the achievements I made, ( the pasted years, I was really proud of my achievements every year, so that I can have that kind of positive words every year). I always want to show people the positive things of my life. But this year, I am struggling a lot, I am seeking for all the things for a long time but without the final result, I am thinking by myself a lot about my values, the people who are around me, and I am also changing my way of life, the attitude to world and country, I am experiencing a lots of things, good or bad things. and until now, all the "ing" are in process. so if you want to read some motivated words like before, I may make you disappointed. But I really want to tell you what I am really experiencing and thinking, and who I am really.
oh, My God, I dnonot know what to write next, it seems there are lots of ideas and things. okay, Make it a simple way, each aspect in my life and what is the change/ thinking. I may update my article later when I come to some more ideas, especially I am so sleepy now due to just 5 hours yesterday night.
Stories in 2022
The Life
The life in 2022 was simple and stable, but I was still trying to make myself like a busy men.
Normal life
I cook for myself, and each month I would go to flushing to go shopping vegetables; my roommates changes for many times, and our complex stories of apartment renewal annoyed me a lot, which always make me think that I want to buy a house by myself.
Explore US
I went to some museums, some parks, but not too much and I want to travel but never go outside of New York; I thought many times went to Yale university, and contacted many times my MBA classmates, but finally I didnot go. I am still not used to the bar culture in US, and never go to some club( dancing).
Habits
I joined in around 10 associations, some are Chinese groups and some are foreign group.Some are about habits, some are professional group. I went hiking with my Chinese and foreign friends many times, and went kayaking. I run more in this year with running club peers since August; I want to learn swimming, painting, and fly yoga, because each time, I feel sad or disappointed, I always imagine I am in the water, in the sunshine painting, or stretch my body, I can immediately feel peach then. I went to beach but I cannot swim now, I bought paiting stuff, but never start to learn it. Fly yoga class is expensive for me now. The only habits I persisted on is running, and it is the most simple/easy to start, and "stupid" way which means just run, put our feet on the ground. but it is really a long road and not simple actually, there are lots of amazing people I met when I run, this is also the reason I love running. they all motivated me.
Friends
I had some foreign friends but I did not keep for a long and deep friendship; I had some Chinese friends, some running peers, and I want to mention two my best girlfriends, one gave me lots of food and tread me well, we chatted with each other our stories and our bother, I told to her that hope someday we all can have a beautiful life here; another girl there are lots of common sense between us, even though I donot want to join in her company, but treat each other honestly. I told them they are my best friends and sisters.
The changes about life
Time flies fast, I always donot feel it, and lots of things happened, it also makes me feel life in 2022 was a long journey, I also feel the things in this year are like previous life.
The most things I felt changed is that I felt tired frequency and easily in this year.I think I am turing old, but I still run and motived by the runners who are older than me; I can recovered from COVID 19 in 3 days. But why I felt so tired sometimes, I even doubt if you have a disease, such as depression, Alzheimer's disease, but I am not. I am pressured by all the things in life. Too much, and so busy, so that I even ignore my body and emotion.
so I turned lazy sometimes, if there are some assignments or some things I should do, before I would do it immediately, but recently I always leave it in the last day or moments; The things I should take, I would donot do it or quit sometime, which would never happened before. Sometimes I even refused the invitation from my friends and junior schoolmates to meet. I just want to do my own things by myself, even dnot want to reply messages of people, or call my families. I just want to be alone, be quiet.
I am more independent and alone. I am not sure whether this is the sign to grow mature, but there is a song like this, the more mature you are, the more alone you are. Even though I had some bored things, but I dnot tell my old friends any more, but preferred to keep it by my own. I am thinking that all the things, nobody can do it or help me replacing me, all the feelings, nobody can handle with it or solve it for me. I just feel it, and recall the things, and then think clearly by myself.
so that another change is my indifferent and open minded. Because I must do all by my own, because I just can do it as that, as much as that (I had felt tired, so that was my limitation). so what result I must accept it. Even though I knew it is not the result I expected. So my attitude of life changes dramatically, I am not struggling with the result again, but focus on the process, the effort, the enjoying journey. I make me relax more, but this make me more feel better and cherish my life and enjoy my life. Each life is just the experience, whatever the bad or good experiences, and why not to experience some difficult but special life. I recalled that my Hejun business school professor said that, "Go to the most difficult place and do the most difficult path of life, so that your life earn more."
" I think I am just a normal or small person recently", this change my lots of thinking/attitude/ ideas to many things or person. I think I have always been arrogant and impetuous before, and even now, I always feel that I have the ability to do many things, and I do big deals and have big dreams, but my ability is not enough to support my ambition.
Then I began to reflect on my behavior and words, began to reflect on my mistakes, and reflected on my workplace experience. When I realize that I am just a very ordinary person, especially when I have contacted many big figures in the financial market of Chinese and foreign guys, when I feel the hugeness of the financial market, and when I am pushed away by tens of millions of candidates, When I saw thousands of lights rising from the tall buildings in New York, I felt my insignificance and small.
When I think this way, I no longer put too much weight and pressure on myself. Anyway, my mind becomes very relaxed and board. I want to extend my time. If I can’t do it now, it will take a few years to do it, anyway, what I have the perseverance and endurance.
I start to focus on the things I should do, and become busy. and so that when I am immersed into the things and process, I feel peaceful without anxiety, confusion, and sadness.
The Study
I completed my graduation from Baruch college, even though I donnot want to graduate. Baruch college is famous one, especially in financial market in New York. I very appreciate the teaching of guidance of my professors, the help of faculties in each department. I was invited by EOC program( a mentor program), and Graduate Career Management Center (GCMC) to wrote summary as a graduate student representative. My pictures are posted by The Graduate Student Assembly(GSA) and Zicklin Finance Club(ZFC). I emailed all of my professors when thanksgiving day and my graduation periods, and meet some of them.
I always want to attend more events after my graduation, and become volunteer at Bruch alumni department. Baruch is my home, my family in US, I love it and want to make some contribution to it in future.
Graduation is not the end but the beginning. All the analysis approach, the research skills, the habit of reading news, the technique knowledge, I should continue it.
My mentors, this is what I really want to highlight. I had around 12 mentors at Baruch, all of them are foreign person. ( when I said foreign person, I mean that they are not Chinese, actually I am foreign guy in US).12, so many mentors, some we met and talked a lot, some we just had phone call. they are all amazing and awesome managers in big company. I learned from they, and earn confidence from the interaction with them. I still want to find some more mentors in my career and still try to build strong relationship with them.
Competitions, I am still actively participated in competitions. can you imagine a graduate who have long work experience but still have the interest to join some competition like the younger students. I just like the challenging nature, the competitive environment, and the teamwork which I can learn something from team. I should say some competition I did very well. I am the Chunhui Entrepreneurship Competition winner, which I can have the chance to go back China with Government-funded round-trip airplane ticket, and connect with industrial parks in various provinces across China and obtain venture capital from government. In CUNY Clash Entrepreneur Competition, I joined the second round by my alone but other team have lots of people. PRMIA Risk Management Competition, we win the New York level and join the international round. But some I felt sorry and disappointed. 2022 Bloomberg Global Trading Challenge and CME Group University Trading Challenge, I built a great team but we didnot move forward very well because of the lack of my management when I was busying with my searching job and then my work at Bank of China. Now I am still working with CFA Institute Research Challenge, I should say sorry to my team, I am thinking that why not do it well if I must spend some time and energy to complete it and do it well, but I have around 15 my interviews or assessments in one week.
The changes about study
**I changed my attitude of my study when at the end of study of Baruch. **I was not focus on the score, but the knowledge whether I really can understand and especially leverage it in the future, and the relationship with professors. I think I am too late to understand this, but I was always the only person to open camera with professor, the one who actively to ask questions, the one always want to help the professors organizing somethings. The study in US is very different with in China. The students in US follows the news and discuss the economy and international relations a lots, and can argues a things for half of hour with professor, but I thought that topic is totally wasting time of class. They can express their idea whether he/ she agree with professors. In china, we study to pass the exams, the lisences, definitely if we cannot understand the knowledge, we cannot pass the exams. But in China, we always have time to explore a topic because I have so much knowledge to learn, so many assignments to complete, so competitive environment, so we just learn it and move forward. we less think of how to use it later or whether we remember it after the exams. in my idea, the Chinese way of study is 实务主义，but in US, it is 实用主义. (It is difficult to translate the difference, and this is just my own idea, Donot matter if you donot agree with it.)
The Work
Oh my God, this part is the very important, and complex one. I may introduce it without too many details. here I just talk it in a summary way. I think I move forward my each stage of application step by step, and still in the process of it.
The difference between US and China
Different from the application process in China, searching job process have very obvious and detailed stages. In China, we applied in websites, or referred by friends and then interviews. In US, before the application, there are lots of things happening.
Information session, the company reach out to the students introducing the companies, in China, we definitely have it, but in US, it is more frequency and normal one, every company wants to tell you that they are really welcome you and want you to be succeed.
**Resume and cover letter", here to omit 10,000 words, because there are lots of different ideas about it. even my 12 mentors have different ideas or sense. but you should definitely take it seriously. I think I have modified my resume for around 80-100 times. Each time, I met a alumni, professionals, the application, or the GCMC advisors, my mentors. Some also compared the Indian people's resume, they bare to write something they didnot do, but prepare the interview well. but for me, I always am honest with my experience, and even donot know how to market myself, and summary my work experience, not to mention the lack of confidence and insufficient preparation during the interview process.
Network is the key.after or during the information, you should, and must network with the hiring managers, or professionals in this company before your application, because there are lots of companies, it is the person who refer you to submit firstly, but not you. Another reason is that US is really the relationship culture, different with the "关系“ in China, I more think "关系“ as some background of your family. but in US, the relationship is between people with people, even you just want to apply for a entry level role, you can also contact with managing directors( actually I contacted most), and equally talk with them. if you also suggestion from alumni, professors, and the professionals in the target companies, ten out of ten people will say, network, network, and network. I think I am a outgoing and good at networking, but I still feel not used to networking sometime or until now, I donot want to go to bar to talk loudly, and feel tired and bored with the shallow acknowledge of people, just talk for moments and share contact and then move to next person. mostly the network scenario is like that, lot of people stand and talk, and then move to another group and meet people. they definitely know you are searching job, but you definitly donot know which point can really impress him. One interviewer asked me running marathon when we start our talk, one were interested in my choice of life and why going abroad during pandemic. one of my Baruch alumna said that she got the offer because she talked with the interviewer for half of hour about pet. So lucky is also the factor.Everyone's succeed stories maybe different, and Individuality.
Phone calls and conversations. do you think to call a professionals and introduce yourself is easy? where to reach out/contact and how to contact a professional? what questions you ask? what topic you want to talk or express, what level professionals you should talk with, and the order? how long the conversation is mostly? how to follow up the conversation? how to tell your stories and make people feel interested in it? ( Do you know SMART approach, one interviewer asked me at the beginning of my searching job journey) Now I know Smart approach, but how to apply it and tell an amazing and exciting story?
Interviews
Oh, my God, the most failed stage of me. there are lots of assessments, and hireview interview( a kind of recording online interview) after your application of passing your resume. I am always nervous about hireview interviews, and dnot used to make recording interviews to computer and answer the questions listed in Hireview systems, but I prefer to the interview in person or even the online zoom interviews, in a short, all the interview with a true person, i more feel relax than the recording ones. I dnot know why, maybe i am the person who are more comfortable with the interaction between human being.
there are lots of first round or second round interviews are made by phone. here in US, the emails, and phone call/ messages are still their main contact way. I always wonder how their email culture is built, so many emails everyday, and they prefer to emails many times but not a easy way in meeting or call.
Lot of things should be prepared for interview, hehavioral questions, like the introduce of yourself, the whys question( why this role, why company, why you, why this team) ,the stories telling by smart approach, like the situation questions, and some special questions like the strength or weakness, the 5 years plan, and so on. The technique questions, like the accounting, the DCF modeling, coding(Python and R) ad so on. Actually like a questions pools, interviewers may ask you some, but there are some special one, like ask your habit or your life.
Recruiters and contract role
Recruiters are like the headhunter in China, who works in a human resources consulting company, he can refer you to the client companies, if you passed the interviews, he can make the deals. but there are lots of candidates pool. so that my mentors, some suggest it as a good way, some think low of it. I dont know whether the contract role is normal in China or not, in my impression, even the headhunter refer you to companies, you work as employee. But here, in the US, because of identity issue( Green Card, Work Visa/H1B, Student Visa, etc.), there are lot of contracts, roles, the company has no responsibilities give you employee benefits but the contract companies, and can fire you at the any time. Mostly there is no guarantee of work for contract job, but many people said that it is more easy to join companies.
** Level of role"
Analyst, Associate, Senior, different companies may have different order, but most of companies are like this. Vice President (VP) , Managing directors(MD), it seems not great like in China, that means it is easy to grow up from one role to a higher level in my feelings/sense.
The choices of career
Finacial markets is so huge, some of my mentors suggest me to open mind and apply for more. but some professionals asked me many times what you really want to do, and even donot want to refer me when I sent him three directions of my career. Finally I believe one of my mentors idea is that even though i choose one direction now, and want to transfer to another one, the experience of this one also are good. Not to mention that, 7 years is a lifetime, 7 years, you can become an expert in one area, so this moment you definitely can transfer to another one. As for the person who refused to refer me and debated with me for a long time this topic, I don’t think he has figured out/ or think of clearly his own career path because he also be a teacher for a long time but finally he transfer to fixed income analyst, but just explained his previous experience with his current “success” in a big firm. In my idea, if there is not so clear, what to do, so explore it, and try it. I think I will love what I will do, if there is the desire/ interested to learn or I am cherish that chance.
The struggling of international students
All international students are struggling with searching a job, because of identity(ID) issue, the Green Card, Work Visa/H1B, Student Visa, etc. But I really appreciate the immigration policy of the United States. It is this policy that makes most of the people who stay in the United States are excellent employees sponsored by companies. Talents are willing to stay, but the unreasonable method is that the work visa is decided by lottery. I think it will be more scientific if the contribution value is based on salary/level/or tax.
The period of economy
The economy of US is impacted by the interest rate increasing, lots of technology companies freeze hiring from last years, and this year, banks start to layoff employee. Economy changes quickly make the labor market, sometime good or turn bad then just in a few or one to two months. I thought there will more openings in January because people prefer to change roles during this periods, but now the economy going down make it more challenging to search a job.
I should say the complex process of application, the ID issues, and the weak labor market, make it ten times difficult than in China.
The changes about work
Actually I had a chance to work at Bank of China, but it seemed that I didnot cherish this chance too much, or I didnt like it too much. Like the habits of life, the lover, the work has same rules. if you like it, you want to do it. if you cherish it, you are willing to spend time and energy. I love consulting job until now, even though I was struggling in Hejun consulting companies. I cherished the job in JD.com, so I spent time to overwork, and learn to improve even though I had no any technology and project management background, and made great contribution.
Now I want to apply for some international biggest banks, actually this is always my goal, my target, my willings and wish, but the process is really struggling and difficult. I am not sure whether I can get one in the last 3 months, if not, I must go back China. I have Amazon offer in some city in middle of US, but I donot want to go there. I have PWC Beijing offer, but I donot want to quit the last effort to join the banks, which it is the reason I studied my MBA in Renmin university of China, and went abroad to US for the Baruch Study.
You may think I'm stubborn, yes I am, when you see the biggest international banks, you don't want to go into small companies anymore. I want to be professional like any of employee in this kind of banks.
The Love
I became single at the begging of this year, we broke up before Christmas day of 2021( we met in 2020 Christmas day) but we struggled with the relationship until the end of April ( after my birthday). I was thinking that I must leave him before that I cannot jump from this hole. so that I cut our relationship soon and totally.
Each time, the love and emotion made me feel that I went through a big sickness, and I cannot recover from it soon and easily. I spent 3 years from my first love to forgive him and treat him as friend; for this one, I spent more than half of year when he graduate from Baruch, or maybe until now I also have not recovered from this one totally, because I still annoying and sad when people mentioned his name.
I tried to explore some love in this year, even with foreign guy, but we have not started, but it ended. I am thinking whether there are really some gap with the foreign guys, or just the wrong person.
The changes about love
I think I should have passed the age of fantasizing about love, but I am still very anxious to get a result, expecting a lot to lover, and making the relationship tense.
Lots of my friends describe me as the girl who are always running( making effort to improve life) or the girl who face the sunshine. because I am always positive attitude of life, outgoing, and cute. but each time, when I was falling in love, I always felt less like my usual true self, tense, anxious and suspicious during the journey. but always my intuition became reality.
When I graduated from A6 Lady association, I remembered that the sentence to summary and describe me is that Cuili Lu, dare to love and hate. In this year, I really said some bad words to some person, and the words I said is totally opposite to my heart, but I think it is rational and the things I should do. But the changes in this year, is that I am wondering, whether I should dare to love and then dare to hate, if one person is hurt and feel pain many times, he/she will not have the encourage again or so full heart to be prepared to be hurt again. if you love a person, you give the chance he can hurt you. but how many times one person can have the courage to try. there is no much sense to dare to hate if you have intended to quit him, so just leaving him is enough.
I am simple person for love, I want to just find a person who can give me the safe feelings and sense, and truly love me, live a normal life together and just provide me a strong shoulder when I feel tired in the normal life. So another change of me is thinking that how to make me have this kind of men I want, what I should do. I imagine what he really looks like and who he should be.
In the end
I am still struggling with searching a job, and making my life stable, having my truly lover in the lifetime. but I am still the girl who is running always, who want to be like the sunshine everyday, who want to make lifetime worth and life wonderful.
About 2023
Now I more focus on the reality more but not the wishes. and I turn to more simple life, simple words, and dnto want to spend too much time to send long sentence, or talk with friends / or others long and complex.
2023, as my talk with my mentor, I want to get an ideal job, and earn money. Go back China once time to meet with my family. Family is always my support, hoping my parents can understand my idea and wishes.
