Video2 Gospel of Doubt

But planning time was over now. It was 11:50 pm.

We had 10 minutes left, and my pastor called us out of the pews and down to the altar because he wanted to be praying when midnight struck.

So every faction of the congregation took its place.

The choir stayed in the choir stand, the deacons and their wives -- or the Baptist Bourgeoisie as I like to call them --took the first position in front of the altar.

You see, in America, even the Second Coming of Christ has a VIP section.

And right behind the Baptist Bourgeoisie were the elderly --

these men and women whose young backs had been bent under hot suns in the cotton fields of East Texas,

and whose skin seemed to be burnt a creaseless noble brown, just like the clay of East Texas,

and whose hopes and dreams for what life might become outside of East Texas had sometimes been bent and broken even further than their backs.

Yes, these men and women were the stars of the show for me.

They had waited their whole lives for this moment,

just as their medieval predecessors had longed for the end of the world,

and just as my grandmother waited for the Oprah Winfrey Show to come on Channel 8 every day at 4 o'clock.

And as she madeher way to the altar, I snuckright in behind her,because I knew for sure that my grandmother was going to heaven.

And I thought that if I held on to her hand during this prayer, I might go right on with her.

So I held on and I closed my eyes to listen, to wait.

And the prayers got louder.

And the shouts of response to the call of the prayer went up higher even still.

And the organ rolled on in to add the dirge. And the heat came on to add to the sweat.

And my hand gripped firmer, so I wouldn't be the one left in the field.

My eyes clenched tighter so I wouldn't see the wheat being separated from the chaff.

And then a voice rang out above us: "Amen."

What does Gerald suggest by in America even the Second Coming of Christ has a VIP section?

> American society is obsessed with class and social status.

The idiom" separate the wheat from the chaff" means...

>to sort out something valueable from something worthless.

Gerald believed that if he held onto his grandmother's hand as she prayed he would go to heaven.

It was over.

I looked at the clock.

It was after midnight.

I looked at the elder believers whose savior had not come,

who were too proud to show any signs of disappointment,

who had believed too much and for too long to start doubting now.

But I was upset on their behalf.

They had been duped, hoodwinked, bamboozled, and I had gone right along with them.

I had prayed their prayers, I had yielded not to temptation as best I could.

I had dipped my head not once, but twice in that snot-inducing baptism pool.

I had believed.

Now what?

I got home just in time to turn on the television and watch Peter Jennings announce the new millennium as it rolled in around the world.

It struck me that it would have been strange anyway, for Jesus to come back again and again based on the different time zones.

And this made me feel even more ridiculous -- hurt, really.

But there on that night, I did not stop believing.

I just believed a new thing: that it was possible not to believe.

It was possible the answers I had were wrong, that the questions themselves were wrong.

And now, where there was once a mountain of certitude, there was, running right down to its foundation, a spring of doubt, a spring that promised rivers.

I can trace the whole drama of my life back to that night in that church when my savior did not come for me;

when the thing I believed most certainly turned out to be, if not a lie, then not quite the truth.

And even though most of you prepared for Y2K in a very different way,

I'm convinced that you are here because some part of you has done the same thing that I have done since the dawn of this new century,

since my mother left and my father stayed away and my Lord refused to come.

And I held out my hand, reaching for something to believe in.

Questions

Why did Gerald tell his church story at the beginning of the talk?

>to show the first time his beliefs changed.

Why does Gerad say that the elderly in his church were duped?

>They believed in something that wasn't true.

What would have been strange if Jesus had actually come back? 

>He would have had to come back several times.

My eyes clenched tighter so I wouldn't see the wheat being separated from the chaff.

It was possible the answers I had were wrong, that the questions themselves were wrong.

I looked at the elder believers who were too proud to show any signs of disappointment.