2021-02-11
上节练习
As he talked Chou En-lai stood facing him, his head a little to one side as was his habit, listening intently until the story was told, and then questioning him.
我的初译:
在朱德讲话的时候, 周恩来站在他面前, 头习惯性的偏向一侧, 认真的听着, 直到朱德讲完才开始询问他.
参考译文(庄绎传):
他娓娓而谈, 周恩来就站在他面前, 习惯地侧着头, 一直听到朱德把话说完, 才提出问题.
这段是承接上文 朱德不顾拉过来的椅子, 便讲起他的经历. 所以译文中用了 他娓娓而谈, 周恩来就站在, 妙啊, 我译的时候就很别扭.
这段英文也可以提炼个句式:
As X talked, Y is doing..., doing...., and then doing...
通常遇到 As..., when...., 我们会译作 当...的时候, 这里不妨参考译文比如 他娓娓而谈
至此加上前几天的文章, 差不多完整写完了一篇英文原文, 公众号后台回复 Quest, 获取英文全文.
本节例子
本例是 孟轲悔过 的第一部分:
孟轲悔过孟子是我国古代一个大学问家。他姓孟名轲。
幼时家境贫穷，生活困难。
不幸在他三岁的时候，父亲去世了，母子无依无靠，处境更加艰难。
怎么办呢？
孟母向人借了一架机杼，靠织布维持生计。
分析
- 关于时态
时态要考虑两种情况:
- 标题
- 正文
标题一般是用 现在时, 这里的题目是 孟轲悔过
正文要看具体情况, 本文是讲中国古代的一则故事, 自然是要用过去式了. 我在译的时候便不够仔细.
悔过
庄先生的译文用了 mend, 也可以用 repent
mend 本意就是 修补, 改过自新.
mend:
to restore something that is damaged or faulty to its original condition or a satisfactory condition
repent 同样也是, 意识到自己的问题, 并加以改正.
repent:
to feel regret about a sin or past actions and change your ways or habits
还有一个词我们比较熟悉的, regret, 然而不太适合这里, 因为 regret 只是 意识到问题, 但并无改过之意, 或者没有改过的机会了, 我们常说的没有后悔药可吃了.
regret:
to feel sorry and sad about something previously done or said that now appears wrong, mistaken, or hurtful to others
-
姓孟名轲, 姓: family name, 名: given name.
对应我们常用的 first name 和 last name:
- first name <-> given name
- last name <-> family name
幼时家境贫穷，生活困难
想起以前经常挂在嘴边的一句话 my english is poor..., 直译的话蛮容易会这么说 when he was a child, his family was poor., 这就不太地道了.
这一部分是在介绍孟子的背景, 姓甚名谁, 出生情况等. 承接上文 姓孟名柯, 从语意上可以自然引到 生于一个什么样的人家, 如果这么想的话, 便可以将中文转一下 生于一个贫穷人家, 幼时生活艰难, 这样再翻译成英文, 便是 born in a poor family, he.....
参考译文用的是 born into, 和 born in 应该区别不大吧.
怎么办呢？
我译的时候直接用了 what to do, 庄先生不建议这么用, 他说 what to do 以及 how to do 是短语, 只能构成句子的一部分, 不能独立成句. 如 Tell me what to do
附翻译对比
记录自己的翻译和庄绎传先生的, 日后方便回顾, 记住差异所在.
-: 我的翻译
+: 庄先生的参考翻译
孟子是我国古代一个大学问家。
-: Meng Zi is a great scholor in the ancient China.
+: Mengcius was a great scholor of ancient China.
他姓孟名轲。
-: His family name was Meng, and given name was Ke.
+: His family name was Meng, and his given name was Ke.
幼时家境贫穷，生活困难。
-: Born in a poor family, he lived a hard life in his childhood.
+: Born into a poor family, he led a hard life in his early childhood.
不幸在他三岁的时候，父亲去世了，母子无依无靠，处境更加艰难。
-: At age of three, his father died, leaving him and his mother in even worse life.
+: At the age of three, he lost his father. With no one to support them, mother and son found life still more difficult.
怎么办呢？
-: What to do?
+: What was to be done?
孟母向人借了一架机杼，靠织布维持生计。
-: His mother borrowed a loomer and made a living by weaving.
+: His mother borrowed a loom and began to weave for a living.
来练习一下吧
孟子悔过的第二部分
孟轲慢慢长大了。但他非常贪玩，不爱读书学习。
有一天，还不到放学的时候，他悄悄留出学堂，跑回家来。
孟母发现孟轲提前逃学回来，非常生气，她从织布机上站起来，严肃地问儿子：
“你又逃学？”
孟轲看了看母亲，低下头，说：
“念书没意思，我不念了！”
参考译文见下一篇翻译练习.
