The last two days, I have experienced an unexpected surge in stress levels. It is not as severe as a panic attack but I started to lose control of myself to some extent. For example, I've been spending a considerable amount of time scrolling through Xiaohongshu with the purpose of finding "some solutions". But a solution for what? Maybe methods to skip away from the current situation: not owning a job, confused about the future, no passion toward working, feeling no hope... Most friends see me as a positive person. Am I? I think I always pretend to be but deep down the opposite. I don't mind encouraging people and myself to be optimistic. What's ironic, though, is that no matter how hard I've attempted, the underlying pessimistic attitude cannot go away because the root causes are still there.
What contributes to the pressure that I recently sensed? I wonder, is it because the hanging around with friends in the shopping mall at the weekend? Or is it due to the absence of books that I can read? Or the increasing allure of materialism? All might play a role.
Then what should I do?
Luckily, the dissertation score came out last night and the result I got is not bad-- 15/20. Although my peer in other projects outperformed me as I found out from their posts on WeChat. The grade I achieved is commendable in my field of study I believe. Then should I reach out to my supervisor and start thinking about reviewing and publishing a paper?
Reflecting on the recent situations, I can tell that I have loads of questions which may lead to the stress I felt lately. Stop browsing the social app that often and read and do something.
