Betty and Harold have been married for years. But one thing still puzzles old Harold. How is it that he can leave Betty and her friend Joan sitting on the sofa, talking, go out to a ballgame, come back three and a half hours later ,and they’re still sitting on the sofa ? Talking ?
贝蒂和哈罗德已经结婚多年了，但有一件事仍然让人困惑着老哈罗德。贝蒂和她的朋友琼坐在沙发上聊天，他出去打球，三个半小时后回来，她们仍然坐在沙发上？这怎么做到的？聊天？
What in the world, Harold wonders, do they have to talk about ?
哈罗德想知道，他们到底谈了什么？
Betty shrugs. Talk? We’re friends .
贝蒂耸耸肩。聊天？我们是朋友。
Researching this matter called friendship, psychologist Lillian Rubin spent two years interviewing more than two hundred women and men. No matter what their age, their job, their sex, the results were completely clear :women have more friendships than men ,and the difference in the content and the quality of those friendships is “marked and unmistakable .”
心理学家莉莲·鲁宾花了两年时间对200多名男女进行了调查。无论他们的年龄、职业、性别如何，结果都很明显：女性比男性拥有更多的友谊，而这些友谊在内容和质量上的差异是“显而易见的”。
More than two –thirds of the single men Rubin interviewed could not name a best friend. Those who could were likely to name a woman .Yet three-quarters of the single women had no problem naming a best friend ,and almost always it was a woman .More married men than women named their wife/husband as a best friend, most trusted person, or the one they would turn to in time of emotional distress. “Most women,” says Rubin, “identified at least one ,usually more, trusted friends to whom they could turn in a troubled moment, and they spoke openly about the importance of these relationships in their lives .”
鲁宾采访过的单身男性中，超过三分之二的人不能说出最好的朋友的名字。那些能说出名字的人可能会说出一个女性的名字，然而，四分之三的单身女性可以说出最好的朋友，而且几乎都是女性。与女性相比，更多的已婚男性将他们的配偶称为最好的朋友、最值得信任的人或是情绪低落的时候他们应当求助的人。“大多数女性，”鲁宾说，“至少有一个，通常有更多值得信赖的朋友，她们可以在困难时刻向她们求助，会公开谈论这些关系在她们生活中的重要性。”
“In general,” writes Rubin in her new book ,“women’s friendships with each other rest on shared emotions and support, but men’s relationships are marked by shared activities.” For the most part ,Rubin says, interactions between men are emotionally controlled –a good fit with the social requirements of “manly behavior .”
“总的来说，”鲁宾在她的新书中写道，“女性之间的友谊建立在分享情感和支持上，而男性之间的关系则以共同活动为标志。”鲁宾说，大多数情况下，男人之间的互动在感情上是受控的——这与“男人行为”的社会要求非常契合。
“Even when a man is said to be a best friend ,”Rubin writes ,“the two share little about their innermost feelings .Whereas a woman’s closest female friend might be the first to tell her to leave a failing marriage ,it wasn’t unusual to hear a man say he didn’t know his friend’s marriage was in serious trouble until he appeared one night asking if he could sleep on the sofa .”
“即使一个男人被认为是最好的朋友，”鲁宾写道，“两人也几乎不会分享内心深处的情感。一个女人最亲密的女性朋友可能会第一个告诉她离开失败的婚姻，而一个男人说他不知道他的朋友的婚姻陷入了严重危机，直到有一天晚上他出现在面前问他是否可以睡在沙发上时，这其实并不罕见。”
