老爸老妈浪漫史How I Met Your Mother第1季第1集台词

英文 中文
2030年
Kids, I'm going to tell you an incredible story. 孩子们,我要给你们讲一个美好的故事
the story of how I met your mother. 是关于我和你们母亲相遇的故事
Are we being punished for something? 我们是不是做错什么事情了?
No. 不是
-Is this going to take a while? -Yes. -这会不会讲很久 -是的
25 years ago, before I was dad, I had this whole other life. 25年前,我还没当父亲的时候 我的生活可大不相同
It was way back to 2005. 这可要回到2005年
I was 27,just starting to make it as an architect and living in New York with Marshal, my best friend from college. 我还只有27岁,有一份建筑师的工作 和我大学时代最好的朋友Marshal合住在纽约
My life was good, and then uncle Marshal went to screw the whole thing up. 本来我的生活一切OK 然后你们的Marshal叔叔把一切都搞砸了
Will you marry me? 你愿意嫁给我吗?
Yes, perfect, and you're engaged. 太好了,完美,你要订婚了
You pop up the champagne. You drink a toast. You have sex on the kitchen floor. 你开香槟,祝酒辞,然后在厨房地板上嘿咻
Don't have sex on our kitchen floor. 别在厨房地板上嘿咻
Got it. 明白
Thanks for helping me plan this out, Ted. 谢谢你帮我这个忙,Ted
Are you kidding? It's you and Lily! 开什么玩笑,这可是你和Lily!
I've been there for all the big moment of you and Lily. 你们俩所有的关键时刻 我都在一旁帮助你的
The night you met, your first date, 你们第一次相见,第一次约会……
other first things. 还有其他的“第一次”……
Sorry, we thought you were asleep. 呵呵,不好意思 我们还以为你睡着了呢
It's physics, Marshal. If the bottom bunk moves, the top bunk moves, too. 这就是物理学,Marshal 下铺摇动,上铺也会跟着摇动
My God! 上帝啊
You're getting engaged tonight! 你今晚就要订婚了
Yeah. 是啊
What are you doing tonight? 你今晚有什么计划?
What was I doing? 我那晚干什么了来着?
Your uncle Marshal was taking the biggest step of his life. And me? 你们的Marshal叔叔踏出了人生的关键一步 而我呢……?
I'm calling up your uncle Barney. 我给你们的Barney叔叔打了电话
Hey, see, you know, however, I thought I had a thing for half Asian girls? 嘿,伙计,还记得我说过 我对一半亚洲血统的小妞有偏好吗
Well, now I've got a new favourite, 现在我有新爱了
Lebanese girls. 黎巴嫩妞儿
Lebanese girls are the new half Asians. 黎巴嫩妞儿代表了新的半亚洲血统
Hey, you want to do something tonight? 嘿,今晚有什么计划没?
OK, meet me at the bar in 15 minutes, 好的,15分钟后酒吧见
and suit up! 记得穿西服!
Hey.
Where is your suit? 你的西装呢?
-Just once when I say 'suit up', I wish you'd put on a suit. -I did, that one time. -我跟你说穿得好一点,就是说要你穿上西服! -我穿过……一回
It was a blazer. 那是件夹克!
You know, ever since college it's been Marshal and Lily and me. 你知道吗,从大学开始 一直都是Marshal,Lily和我
Now it's going to be Marshal and Lily, and me. 而以后就会变成 Marshel和Lily……和我
They'll get married, start a family. 他们就要结婚,成家了
Before long I'm that weird, middle-aged bechalor, their kids call 'uncle Ted'. 以后我就是他们家小孩眼里 古怪的中年单身汉Ted叔叔了
I see what this is about. 我知道这是怎么回事了
Have you forgotten what I said to you the night we met? 你忘记我们第一回见面的时候 我怎么跟你说的了吗?
Ted, I'm going to teach you how to live. Ted,我来教你怎么享受生活
Barney. We met at the urinal. 我是Barney,我们刚在小便池边认识的
Oh, alright.
Alright. 你好
Lesson one, lose the goatee. 第一课,跟你的山羊胡子说再见
It doesn't go with your suit. 它和你的西服不搭配
-I'm not wearing a suit. -Lesson two, get a suit. -我没穿西服 -第二课,穿上西服
Suits are cool, exhibitive. 西服很好,有模有样
Lesson 3, don't even think about getting married till you're 30. 第三课,千万别想结婚的事情 ……三十岁以后再说
30, right, you're right. 三十岁,是的,你是对的
I guess that just your best friends get engaged, you start thinking about that stuff. 我想当你最好的朋友订婚的时候 你难免考虑一些有的没的
I thought I was your best friend. 我以为我才是你最好的朋友
Ted, say I'm your best friend. Ted,说我才是你最好的朋友
-You're my best friend, Barney. -Good, -你是我最好的朋友,Barney -很好……
and as your best friend, I suggest we play a little game I'd like to call 作为你最好的朋友,我提议玩一点小游戏 我愿意称之为……
-'have you met Ted'. -No, we are not playing 'have you met Ted.' -“你见过Ted没有” -不不不,我们不玩这个游戏
Hi, have you met Ted? 嗨,你见过Ted没有?
Hi! 你好
I'm Ted. 我是Ted
Yasmin Yasmin.
It's a very pretty name. 很好听的名字
Thanks. It's Lebanese. 谢谢,这来源于黎巴嫩语
I'm exhausted. It was finger painting day at school. 我都累坏了,今天是学校里的涂鸦日
A 5-year-old boy got to second base with me. 一个5岁的小鬼,上了我的二垒
Wow, are you cooking? 哇哦,你在做饭吗?
Yes, I am. 是的,没错
Are you sure that's a good idea 你肯定这是个好主意吗?
after last time you looked really creepy without eyebrows. 要知道上回之后,你没眉毛的样子很吓人
I can handle this. So think you'll find I'm full of surprise tonight. 我应付的来,今晚是惊喜之夜
So there's more surprises? Like what? 还有什么样的惊喜?
Marshal was in the second year of law school, so he was pretty good at thinking on his feet. Marshal正在读法律,所以他急中生智很有一套
And that's all of them! 就是这个
I'm going to go cook. 我该去……做饭了
I'm so happy for Marshal. I really am. I just couldn't imagine settling down right now. 我真的很为Marshal感到高兴 我只是无法想象现在就成家立业
So do you think you'll ever get married? 那你还会结婚吗?
Well, maybe eventually 嗯,最后总会结的
Some fall day 比如在一个秋天……
possibly in Central Park 也许在中央公园……
simple ceremony, we are better on vows. 仪式就简单点,我们更注重誓约
band, no DJ, people will dance. I'm not going to worry about it. 乐队,不要DJ,人们各跳各的 我才懒得管呢
Damn it! Why did Marshal have to get engaged! 见鬼,Marshal干嘛这么早订婚
Yeah, nothing hotter than a guy planning out his imaginary wedding. 好笑吧,一个男的想象自己的婚礼
Actually I think it's cute. 实际上,我觉得很可爱啊
Well, you're clearly drunk. 看样子你肯定喝多了
One more for the lady. 给这位小姐再来一杯
Oh, hey, look what I got. 哦,对了,瞧瞧我弄了点什么
Oh, honey, champagne! 哦,亲爱的,香槟
No, you're too old to be scared to open a bottle of champagne. 不行,这么大个人还怕开香槟?
I'm not scared. 我没害怕
-Then open it. -Fine. -那就打开 -好的
Please open it. 还是你来吧
You're unbelievalbe, Marshal ... 老天啊,真不敢相信……
There are two big questions a man has to ask in life: 一个男人一生中有两个重要问题会问出口
one you planned out for months, the other just slipps out when you're half drunk at some bar. 一个你要精心策划好几个月 而另一个则是在某个酒吧里半醉之中脱口而出
Will you marry me? 嫁给我好吗?
You want to go out sometime? 想约个时间出去玩儿吗?
Of course, you idiot! 当然愿意,你个傻瓜
I'm sorry, Carl's my boyfriend. 对不起,Carl是我的男朋友
What's up, Carl? 你好,Carl
I promised Ted we wouldn't do that. 我答应过Ted不会这样的
Did you know there is a pop under your fridge? 你注意到冰箱底下漏水了吗?
No, but dips. 没有,管他呢
Where's that champagne? 香槟在哪儿?
I want to drink a toast 我想庆祝一下
with my fiancee. 和我的未婚妻
Hard to know I was so scared at this. 这有什么好怕的
It's pretty easy, right? 多简单,不是吗?
Why am I freaking out all of a sudden. This is crazy. I'm not ready to get settled down. 我怎么突然之间这么饥渴了,真荒唐 我还没准备要找老婆呢
How does Carl lend a Lebanese girl? Carl怎么勾搭上一个黎巴嫩小妞的
-The plan's always been, don't even think about it until you're 30. -Exactly. -应该是三十岁之前不想结婚这事 -没错
The guy doesn't even own a suit. 这家伙根本就不穿西服的
Plus, Marshal's found the love of his life. 况且,Marshel已经找到了他终生挚爱
Even if I was ready, which I'm not, 就算我已经准备好了,事实上我不是……
but if I was, it's like, 但假设我想结婚了,就好像……
'OK, I'm ready, where is she?' “好了,我准备了,可她在哪儿?”
And there she was. 她就这样出现了
It was like something from an old movie, 这就好像老电影里的情节
with a sailor sees the girl across the crowded dance floor, turns to his buddy, and says, 'see that girl? 一个水手看见舞池对面的她 然后转身对自己的同伴说:“瞧见那姑娘了吗?”
I'm going to marry her some day.' “总有一天我会娶到她”
-Hey, Barney, See that girl? -Oh, yeah, you just know that she likes dirty. -Barney,瞧见那姑娘了吗? -哦,是的,性感身段
-Go say 'hi.' -I can't just go say 'hi.' -过去打个招呼 -我不能就这么走过去
I need a plan. 我得有个计划
I'm going to wait until she goes to the bathroom. 我要等到她上洗手间的时候……
I'll strategically place myself by the jukebox... 再偷偷给她点一杯饮料……
Hi, have you met Ted? 你见过Ted没有?
Let me guess, Ted? 我猜猜,你应该是Ted了
Sorry, Lily, I'm so sorry. 对不起,Lily,我真的很抱歉
Take us to the hospital. 送我们去医院
Did you hit her? 你是不是打了她?
Hit me? Please! 打我?得了吧
This guy can barely even spank me in bed for fun. 这小子连在床上打我屁股都不会
He's all like, 'Oh, honey, did that hurt?' 他就这么(轻拍一下) 然后赶忙说:“哦,亲爱的,没弄疼你吧”
And I'm like, 'Oh, come on! Let me have you, pansy.' 而我就说 “使劲些,让我尝尝你的厉害,娘娘腔”
Wow, complete stranger. 哇哦,有个陌生人
No, it's OK, go on. 不不不不,没关系,继续说
So what do you do? 你是做哪一行的?
I'm a reporter from Metronews One. 我是都市新闻一台的记者
Kind of a reporter. 算半个播报员吧
I do those dumb little fluff pieces at the end of the news, you know, like, 我总是在新闻之后播报一些无意义的小消息 比如……
monkey can play the ukulele. 猴子会弹ukulele (夏威夷的四弦琴)
I'm hoping to get some bigger stories soon. 希望以后能够播报一些大新闻
Bigger like, gorilla with an upright bass? 大一点的?就好比…… 大猩猩演奏贝丝?
I'm sorry. You're really pretty. 不好意思,你看起来真漂亮
Oh, your friends don't seem too happy. 你的朋友看起来心情不好
Yeah, see the one in the middle just got dumped by her boyfriend, so tonight, 中间那个刚被男朋友甩了 所以今晚……
every guy is the "enemy". 所有男人都是“敌人”
You know if it'll make your friend feel better, you could throw a drink in my face. I don't mind. 如果想要你朋友开心的话,你可以往我脸上泼饮料 我不介意的
She would love that. 她肯定会喜欢的
It does look fun in the movies. 电影里这种情节都很有趣
Hey, you want to have dinner with me Saturday night? 周六晚上有时间共进晚餐吗?
Oh, I can't. I'm going to Orlando for a week on Friday. 我周五要去Orlando一个星期
Some guy's attempting to make the world's biggest pancake. Guess who's covering it? 有个人要做一个世界上最大的蛋糕 我要负责这个报导
-That's going to take a week? -Yes. He's going to eat it, too. That's another record. -这能报导一个星期? -是的,他还会把蛋糕吃掉,这也是个世界纪录
Hey, what's taking so long? 怎么回事那么久?
I know this is a long shot, but how about tomorrow night? 我知道这有些唐突,不过明晚怎么样?
Yeah, what the hell? 好吧,管他呢
Jerk! 混球!
That was fun. 真好玩
De -- wait for it -- nied! 拒……稍等……绝了!
Denied! 拒绝了
We're going out tomorrow night. 明晚佳人有约
I thought we were playing laser attack tomorrow night! 我以为我们明晚一起玩激光枪大战呢
Yeah, I was never going to play laser attack. 没错,不过我从没打算玩激光枪大战
The next night, I took her out to this little in Brooklyn. 第二天,我带她去了一家Brooklyn的小酒馆
Wow, that is one bad ass boof French horn. 哇哦,那可真是个蓝色的法国喇叭 (双关,亦可理解为法国色情电影)
Yeah, so it looks like a smurf penis. 看到它我就想起了蓝精灵的阳具
Son, a piece of advice. 孩子们,给你们一些建议
When you go on a first date, you really don't want to say 'smurf penis.' 第一次约会的时候,你千万不要说“蓝精灵的阳具”
Girls don't ordinarilly like that. 一般情况下,女孩子们不想到这种东西
But this was no ordinary girl. 不过这个女孩可不一般
Lily? Lily?
How have you been sitting there? 你在这儿坐了多久了?
The stupid odd patch! 愚蠢的眼罩
Mom, dad, I have found the future Mrs. Ted Mosbie! 老爸,老妈,我已经找到了未来的Ted Mosbie夫人
Marshal, how have I always described my perfect woman? Marshal,我都是怎么描述我的梦中情人的
I'll let see. 我想想
She likes dogs? 她爱狗
I've got 5 dogs. 我有5支狗
She drinks scotch? 爱喝苏格兰威士忌
I love a scotch that's old enough to own it's own scotch. 我自从饮酒年龄开始就爱喝苏格兰威士忌了
Can quote obsure lines from 'Ghost Busters?' 她喜欢引用《捉鬼敢死队》里的台词?
'Ray, when someone ask you if you're God, you say yes!' “Ray,要是别人问你是不是上帝 你就说是!”
And I'm saving the best for last. 我把最带劲的留到最后
Do you want this? I hate olives. 你想吃这个吗?我讨厌橄榄果
She hates olives! Awesome! 她讨厌橄榄果,太棒了
The olive theory! 橄榄果理论
The olive theory is based on my friends Marshal and Lily. 橄榄果理论来自于我的朋友Marshal和Lily
He hates olives. She loves them. And that makes them such a great couple. 他不喜欢橄榄果,而她喜欢 而奇怪的是他们却又是幸福的一对
Perfect balance. 完美的平衡
You know, I've had a jar of olives just sitting in my fridge forever. 要知道,我有一罐橄榄果 好像在我的冰箱里呆了足足一个世纪了
I can take them off your hands. 我可以帮你脱手
They are all yours. 它们都归你了
Oh, it is on! It is on till that breakup done! 哦,有戏了,有好戏要上演了!
Wait, it's only the break at 10:30. What happened? 等等,这还不到10:30,怎么搞的?
I've got to get one of those boof French horns over my fireplace. 我真想在自家壁炉上也挂一个蓝色的法国喇叭
It's got to be blue. It's got to be French. 一定要是蓝色的,一定要是法国的
No green clarinet? 不要绿色的单簧管?
No purple tuba? 也不要紫色的大号?
It's a smurf penis. We are no dice. 这些都不能让我想起“假阳具”
There you are. 总算找到你了
We got a jumper, some crazy guy on the Manhattan Bridge. 有个要轻生的人,某个曼哈顿大桥上的疯子
Come on. You're covering it. 快来,你来报导
Alright, I'll be right there. 好的,我马上来
I'm sorry. 我很抱歉
I had a really great time tonight. 今晚我过得很开心
Yeah. 是啊
So? Did you kiss her? 然后呢,你吻她了吗?
No, the moment wasn't right. 没有,时机不对
Look, this woman could actually be my future wife. I want our first kiss to be amazing. 听着,她可能就是我未来的妻子 我希望我们第一次接吻能够完美
Oh, Ted, that is so sweet! 哦,Ted,你真体贴
So you chickened out like a little bitch. 于是你就像小女人一样退缩了
What? I did not chicken out. 什么?我可没有退缩!
You know what? I don't need to take a first kiss advice from some pirate 说实话,我可用不着从某个…… 海盗那里,探教初吻经验
who hasn't be single since the first week at college. 你大学第一周就不是单身一族了
Ted, anyone who's single would tell you the same thing. Ted,任何一个单身族都会这么说
Even the dumbest single person alive. 最蠢的也不例外
And if you don't believe me? Call him. 如果你不相信我,给他打个电话
Hey, loser? How's not playing laser attack? Because playing laser attack is awesome! 嘿,烂人,不玩激光枪大战的感觉怎样? 因为玩激光枪大战酷毙了
I killed you, connered. I'll make me get your mom. 我已经把你干掉了,Conerd 小心我给你妈妈打电话
Listen, I need your opinion on something. 听我说,有件事我想听听你的意见
OK, meet me at the bar in 15 minutes. 好的,我们15分钟后在酒吧见……
Suit up! 记着穿西服!!
So these guys think I chickened out. 这两位都说我退缩了
What do you think? 你怎么说
I can't believe 我不敢相信……
you're still not waring a suit! 你还是没穿西服!
She didn't even give me the signal. 她都没给我一个暗示
What? Is she going to bat her eyes at you in Morse code? 那又怎样,难道她得用眼睛眨莫尔斯码?
'Ted, kiss me.' “Ted……吻我”
No, you just kiss her! 不用了,你直接吻好了
Not if you don't get the signal. 要是没有得到暗示就不行!
-Did Marshal give me the signal? -No! -Marshal给我暗示了吗? -没有!
I didn't. I swear. 我没有,我发誓!
At least tonight I get to sleep knowing Marshal and me, never going to happen. 至少我知道Marshal和我之间是不可能的 今晚可以睡个安稳觉
You should have kissed her. 你本该吻她
I should have kissed her. 我本该吻她的
Maybe in a week when she gets back from Orlando. 下个星期她就要从Orlando回来了 也许……
A week? That's like a year in hot girl's time. 一星期?这在辣妹时间里就是一年啊
She'll forget all about you. 她会把你忘得一干二净
Mark my words, you'll never see that one again. 记住我的话,你永远也见不着她了
There she is! 她在那儿呢
Woo, she's cute. Carl, turn it up. 哦,真漂亮……Carl,声音开大些
... him to reconsider “……劝他三思”
at which point the man came down off the ledge, giving this bizzare story a happy ending. “最后这个人走下了护栏 我们的故事也有了一个圆满的结局”

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