Personal Development for Smart People-中文翻译【第2章 爱】（3）爱是连接自己所爱

呜呜呜 ，翻译的小可爱没更新了，所以自己来更新一下。感谢金山翻译！

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沟通

沟通是我们表达爱的手段。交流（communicate）这个词的词根是“共同的（common）”。我们自然而然地会认为，当我们与某人交流时就是在寻找我们之间的共同点。我们形成新连接的基础就在于识别双方的共性。

有效的交流一般会从熟悉的人到不熟悉的人。当你遇到新朋友时，第一步是发现你们共同的兴趣、价值观和态度。这就形成了信任和友谊的基本纽带。下一步是不断探索你们之间的差异，并从中学习。你很难与跟你差别很大的人产生连接，而那些太相似的人又不能教你很多。所以最好的关系就是你们之间既能提供足够的共同基础来形成一个强大的纽带，同时也能够互相引发各自新方向的发展。

最丰富的交流方式是面对面的对话。这不仅可以让你了解到沟通的内容，还可以学会语言和肢体表达。当你面对面交流而不是电话或电子邮件交流时，你通常能够体验到人与人之间更深层次的连接。

良好的沟通技巧需要花时间来学习。你练习得越多，效果就越好。虽然你可以学习一些特定的技巧，比如微笑、保持开放的姿势和眼神交流。但不要忘记交流的主要目的是与他人建立连接。在特定的需求例如说服、教育或娱乐之前，你需要先建立一种连接。例如，伟大的演说家、教师和艺人只有在打破僵局并与观众建立连接之后，才会开始他们真正的表演。

真正的沟通需要植根于爱和信任的相互理解。否则，你就不能有效地与他人分享真理。仅仅说出你的想法假设别人理解并接受你所说的话跟仅仅好好倾听并假设你理解你听到的话都是远远不够的。只有当说话者和听者之间存在某种关心的纽带，他们才能良好地进行沟通。

生活中没有什么比与他人有意识地交流更快乐的了。没有使用自我游戏、虚假的战线或操纵策略。两人都只是想为了学习和成长而互相连接。一旦你经历了与他人如此开放的、充满爱的交流，你就很难满足于比这差一些的情况。

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Communication

Communication is the means through which we express love. The root of the word communicate means "common," and it's natural to think that when we communicate with someone, we look for something we have in common. Identifying commonalities is essentially how we form new connections.

You communicate effectively by first connecting with the familiar and then branching out into the unfamiliar. Whe n you meet someone new, the first step is to discover your shared interests, values, and attitudes. This creates a basic bond of trust and friendship. The next step is to explore and learn from your differences. People who are too different from you are difficult to bond with, and those who are too similar can't teach you very much. The best relationships provide enough common ground to form a strong bond while also stimulating growth in new directions.

The richest form of communication is basic face-to-face conversation. This allows you to pick up not only content but also vocal expressions and body language. You'll usually experience much deeper connections with people when you communicate in person instead of by phone or e-mail.

Good communication skills take time to develop. The more you practice, the better you'll get. While there are specific techniques you can learn such as smiling, maintaining an open posture, and making eye contact, don't forget that the primary purpose of communication is to create a connection with the other person. Even when you have a specific agenda in mind like persuasion, education, or entertainment, your first step is to establish a bond. Great orators, teachers, and entertainers strive to break the ice and connect with their audiences first; only after this has been achieved do they go into their main material.

Genuine communication requires mutual understanding rooted in love and trust; otherwise, you can't effectively share truth with others. It isn't enough to speak your mind and assume other people understand and accept what you're saying, nor is it enough to listen well and assume you understand what's been said. To communicate well, there must be some bond of caring between speaker and listener.

There are few greater joys in life than the experience of conscious communication with another person. No ego games, false fronts, or manipulative tactics are employed. Both individuals simply want to connect with each other for the purpose of learning and growing. Once you've experienced such open, loving communication with another human being, it's hard to settle for anything less.