August 1990，Boston
1990年8月，波士顿

Dear Maya Shao-ming,
亲爱的玛雅.少明：

To me, June 6, 1990 is a special day. My long-awaited dream came true the minute your father crled, "A girl!" You are more than just a second child, more than just a girl to match our boy，You，little daughter are the link to our female line, the legacy of another woman's pain and sacrifice 31 year ago.
1990年6月6日对我来说是一个特殊的日子，我期待已久的梦想终于实现了，这一刻，你的父亲大叫起来，“一个女孩！”。你不仅是我们的第二个孩子，你还让我们儿女双全。你，小丫头，是我们女性的纽带，是31年前另一个女人痛苦和牺牲的继承。

Let me tell you about your Chinese grandmother somewhere Hong Kong. in the late fifties, a young waitress found herself pregnant by a cook, probably a co-worker at her restaurant. She carried the baby to term, suffered to give it birth, and kept the little girl for the first three months of her life. I like to think that my mother - you grandmother - loved me and fought to raise me on her own, but that the daily struggle was too hard. Worn down by the demands of the new baby and perhaps the constant threat of starvation, she made the painful decision to give away her girl so that both of us might have chance for a better life.
让我来告诉你关于你中国外祖母的事。上个世纪50年代末，在香港的某个地方，一位年轻的女服务员发现自己怀孕了，孩子父亲是一位厨师，可能是她餐厅的同事。你外祖母十月怀胎，忍受着分娩的痛苦把我生下来，并把我抚养了三个月。我认为我的母亲——你的外祖母——还是爱我的，为了抚养我而拼命赚钱，但这样太辛苦了。刚生下来的小宝宝很难护理，也许还有饥饿的持续威胁，她感到疲惫不堪。她痛苦地做出放弃女儿的决定，这样我们才有可能过上好的生活。

More likely, I was dropped at the orphanage steps or somewhere else. I will probably never know the truth. Having a baby in her unmarried state would have brought shame on the family in China, so she probably kept my existence a secret. Once l was out of her life, it was as if I had never been born. And so you and your brother and I are the missing leaves on a family tree.
我很可能被扔在孤儿院的台阶上或其他地方。我可能永远也不会知道真相。未婚生子会给中国家庭带来耻辱，所以你的外祖母只好对我的出生保密。一旦我从她的生命中消失，我就像从未出生过一样。所以你、你的哥哥、还有我就是家族树上缺失的叶子。

Do they ever wonder if we exist？
他们想知道我们是否还活着？

Before l was two, I was adopted by an Anglo couple. Fed three square meals a day. I grew like a wild wed and grasped all the opportunities they had to offer - books, music, education, church life and community activities. In a family of blue-eyed blonds, though, I stood out like a sore thumb. Whether from jealousy or fear of someone who looked so different, my older brothers sometimes teased me about my unpleasing skin, or made fun of my clumsy walk. Moody and impatient, burdened by fears that none of us realized resulted from my early years of need, I was not an easy child to love. My mother and I conflicted countless times over the years, but gradually came to see one another as real human beings with faults and talents, and as women of strength in our own right. Lacking a mirror image in the mother who raised me, I had to seek my identity as a woman on my own. The Asian American community has helped me regain my double identity.
我不到两岁时被一对英国夫妇收养。每日三餐，我像野草一样茁壮成长。我抓住了养父母提供的一切机会——书籍、音乐、教育、教会生活和社区活动。尽管，在一个大家都是蓝眼睛金发的家庭里，我显得格外醒目。不管是出于嫉妒还是害怕，我的哥哥们有时会取笑我那不讨人喜欢的皮肤，或者取笑我笨拙的走路姿势。喜怒无常急躁不安的我一直有恐惧的压力，我不是一个容易被人爱的孩子。这些年来，我和养母发生过无数次冲突，但我们双方逐渐认识到：作为真实的人的我们既有优点也有缺点，我们都是拥有一定长处的女性。没有生母照片的我只好自己寻找自己的女性身份起源。在亚裔美国人社区的帮助下，我终于追溯到了我的双重身份。

But part of me will always be missing: my beginnings, my personal history, all the delicate details that give a person her origin. Nevertheless, someone gave me a lucky name "Siu Wai." "Siu" means "little," and "Wai" means "clever." Therefore, my baby name was "Clever little one." Who chose those words? Who cared enough to note my arrival in the world?
但我的部分信息将永远缺失：包括我的开始，我个人的历史，还有能证明我出生的所有细节。不过，有人给我取了个幸运的名字“Siu Wai”。“Siu”的意思是“小”，“Wai”的意思是“聪明”。因此，我的乳名就是“聪明的小宝贝”的意思。谁挑选的这些字？ 这个在乎我来到这个世界的人又是谁?

I lost my Chinese name for 18 years. It was Americanized for convenience to "Sue." But like an ill-fitting coat, it made me uncomfortable. I hated the name. But even more, I hated being Chinese. It took many years to become proud of my Asian origin and work up the courage to take back my birth-name. That, plus a little knowledge of classroom Cantonese, is all the Chinese culture I have to offer you. Not white, certainly, but not really Asian, I try to pave the way between the two worlds and bridge the gap for you. Your name, "Shao-ming," is very much like mine-"Shao" means "little." And "ming" is "bright," as in a shining sun or moon. Whose lives will you brighten, little Maya? Your past is more complete than mine, and each day I cradle you in your babyhood, generously giving you the loving care I lacked for my first two years. When I pat you, I comfort the lost baby inside me who still cries for her mother.
我已有18年不用我的中文名字了。为了方便起见，我将中文名字美国化，成了“Sue”。就像一件不合身的外套，我的这个美国名字让我感到不舒服。我讨厌这个名字。我甚至讨厌成为中国人。过了好多年，我才感到拥有亚洲血统是件感到自豪的事。我鼓起勇气收回我过去关于我的乳名所说的那些不好的话。结合我在课堂上所学的粤语，这就是我能为你提供的有关中国的全部文化。当然我们不是白人，但也不是真正的亚洲人。我试图在两个世界之间铺路，为你们架起一座桥梁。你的名字叫“少明”，跟我的很像。“少”的意思是“小”，“明”是“明亮的”，就像发光的太阳或月亮。你会照亮谁的生活呢，小玛雅？ 你的过去比我的过去完整。我每天把你抱着放进摇篮，慷慨地给予你爱。当我轻拍你的时候，我是在安慰我内心小时候的我，她还在哭着找自己的母亲呢。

Sweet Maya, it doesn't matter what you "become" later on. You have already fulfilled my wildest dreams.
玛雅宝贝，你以后会变成什么样的人并不重要。你已经实现了我最疯狂的梦想。

I love you,
我爱你，

Mommy
你的妈妈