您的孩子是过于自信还是自信心不足呢？下面四个方面的行为可以帮助家长为孩子建立健康的自我认知。

作者 S. Michele Fry （GreatSchools网站高级编辑）

      孩子生来就是自信的，或者生来就是不自信的。一些研究表明，自信心是具有遗传性的，有的孩子生来自信，有的孩子生来胆怯，有的孩子生来温柔。但幸运的是，因为自信心在基因中并不是固定不变的。我们可以通过训练让我们的孩子相信自己。我们可以在孩子的心田播种自信的种子并培育自信的幼苗。这是很重要的一点。

      自信，相信自己的能力，素质和判断力可能是毅力，勇气和自力更生的核心。阿尔伯特·班杜拉（Albert Bandura），关于自信（也被称为自我效能）的最重要的专家，说自信心可以对人们的心情，行为和动机产生影响。

情绪健康和育儿专家Maureen Healy说：“自信心是所有福祉的基础，没有自信心很多事情就无法实现。“

        自信提高了孩子们在学校里表现，甚至超过了智商。自信的孩子积极尝试新事物，并不会因为看到失败就停下来。他们有一个“试一下，再试一次”的心态。他们往往是乐观的，他们的自信心让他们拥有希望，使他们相信，他们能够实现自己的目标。自信心也可以为人们提供社会优势，因为他们认为他们可以为一些事情要做出贡献。

      然而，自信心也是一把双刃剑。太过度自信可能会导致孩子们产生妄想并由此而对生活失望。那么我们该如何实现既能建立自己的孩子的自信心，不至于让他们的自我过度膨胀？

建立健康的自信心

      斯坦福大学荣誉心理学教授班杜拉确认，专注于以下四项行为，可以培养健康的自信心。他将自我效能定义为确立目标，坚持执行，并且认为自己能够采取必要行动来实现这一目标的能力。 （即所有良好的信心。）实现自我效能的行为包括掌握经验，社交模式，正面强化和积极的态度。

1.掌握经验 是指成功地完成任务并且将这一成功归功于努力而不是靠运气或遗传基因。为了帮助孩子发展掌握，Healy（《培养快乐的孩子：如何培养内在的自信，成功和幸福》的作者）建议，无论是在学校，在运动场，还是在家里静静的画画的时候，要给孩子获取良好结果的方法。这就意味着要对孩子保持高度的期望值，并且要教给孩子们认识到努力工作和练习的价值。

Healy建议的另一种培养掌握经验的方法是对孩子提供充分的信任。例如，让您的孩子在家中承担家务，并且给予信任。无论是孩子要完成每天两次喂狗还是去取鸡蛋的任务，告诉他们“我相信你”总是没错的。不过最好在根据他们的年龄和能力水平分配任务的时候告诉他们原因。“他们还需要你的指导，监督和教育”Healy说。如果你5岁的孩子从来没有打过鸡蛋，从来没有开过炉子，也没有注意到你是如何做这些事情的，你就不要把鸡蛋放在他面前让他为家人做早餐。但是你要知道，孩子应该被允去许冒险尝试新的事物。

2.社交模式 是强大的塑造儿童个性的有意识和无意识的力量。当孩子们注意到，与他们相似的人针对问题进行谈判并取得成功时，就会产生“如果她能做到，我也可以”的想法。他们甚至可以从虚构的人物或历史人物身上得到灵感。角色扮演模式有助于推动我们前进，尽管首先尝试的时候也可能会失败。 Healy建议父母把自己生活中的故事讲给孩子们听，告诉他们自己是如何读过那些困难时期的。或者讲一些如托马斯·爱迪生和迈克尔·乔丹这类经历了多次失败但是依然不断尝试和努力的故事。 角色扮演模式提供了“生命是如何运作的具体例证”，Healy说， “它创造了一种学习文化。”她还提醒父母们，他们就是孩子的楷模，必须对自身也投以信心。因为孩子们总是模仿他们的父母。

3.正面强化 是指你所信任或敬仰的人的鼓励。语言有巨大的力量。 Healy说，通常一句话可能会激发孩子们的梦想，也可能会伤了他们的心。她说：“我坚信，孩子们会把他们听到的话和他们的感受像食物一样消化吸收”。正确的信息可以提醒孩子们，他们可以迎接挑战并且有能力获得成功，他们可以解决面临的困难。这不是奉承。这不是夸赞他们天赋的优点，如美丽的容貌，高智商或运动天赋。这是对他们的梦想和计划的激励。

燃起这些伟大梦想的最好方法是什么呢？是赞扬你孩子的努力，比如说：“你这么勤奋的为了这场考试学习，所以A-的成绩才配得上你。”“你当然是球队最有价值的球员啊，因为你已经练习了这么多次罚球。”你可以告诉他们“如果你完成了一个完美的罚球，那么你可以专心的学习小提琴或长除法了”或者告诉你的孩子，他要迎接的下一个大挑战是什么。

4. 积极的态度 来自于自信的人。尽管像自信之类积极态度可能来自遗传，也可以通过后天培养来获得。班杜拉说，学会在面对困难或具有挑战性的任务时减轻压力和放松心情就可以提高个人的自我效能感。良好的心情有助于建立自信心，而消极的情绪则会削弱自信心。积极的态度会帮助人们在面临一个问题时看到更多的选择，让他们相信自己能够解决问题并最终取得胜利。这种乐观主义精神就会增强人们的自信。 （而自信心又能改善人的心情，这是一个良性循环。）

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原文：

www.greatschools.org/gk/articles/self-confidence-does-your-child-suffer-from-not-enough-or-too-much/

Children are born confident — or not. Some research suggests thatconfidence is genetic, that children are born predisposed to be self-confident or timid and meek. Luckily, just because it’s in the genes doesn’t mean it’s fixed and unchangeable. We can train our kids to be sure of themselves. We can grow and nurture the seeds of self-assurance. And it’s important to do so.

Confidence, trusting in your own abilities, qualities, and judgment, may be at the core of perseverance, courage, and self-reliance.Albert Bandura, the foremost expert on self-confidence— also known as self-efficacy — says it can have an impact on everything, from people’s moods to their actions and motivation.

Maureen Healy, emotional health and parenting expert, says “confidence is the foundation for all well-being; without it so many other things just won’t work.”

Self-confidence boosts school performance, even more than IQ. Confident children jump at trying new things and don’t see failure as a reason to stop. They have a “try, try again” mentality. They tend to be optimistic, and their confidence catapults hopefulness, making them believe they can achieve their goals. Confidence can also gives people a social edge because they believe they have something to contribute.

It can also be a double-edged sword. Too much confidence can lead kids toward delusions of grandeur and a life of disappointments. Want to build your children’s confidence without pumping up their ego?

Building healthy self-confidence

To foster a healthy sense of self-confidence focus on these four activities identified by Bandura, a psychology professor emeritus at Stanford University. He defines self-efficacy as the ability to define a goal, persevere, and see oneself as capable of taking the actions required to make it happen. (All the good parts of confidence.) The path to self-efficacy includes mastery experiences, social modeling, positive reinforcement, and positive attitude.

1. Mastery experiencerefers to performing a task successfully and attributing the success to efforts. It’s not luck or genetics. In order to help kids develop mastery, Healy, author ofGrowing Happy Kids: How to Foster Inner Confidence, Success, and Happiness, recommends giving him to ways to get really good at something — whether it’s school, sports, or drawing quietly at home. That means maintaining high expectations and teaching kids the value of hard work and practice.

Another way to cultivate mastery experience is Healy’s recommendation to extend trust to your children. For instance, providing your child with chores and responsibilities around the house shows trust. And it doesn’t hurt to say “I trust you” whether it’s to feed the dog twice a day or to scramble the eggs. Give them tasks within reason, based on their age and skill level. “They still need your guidance, and they still need to be supervised. They still need to be taught,” Healy says. You don’t put eggs in front of your 5-year-old who has never cracked an egg, never turned on the stove, and never paid attention to you do it, and say make breakfast for the family, but you do want kids to be allowed to take chances and try new things.

2. Social modelingis a powerful conscious and unconscious force in shaping children’s identities. Children take notice when a person similar to them negotiates obstacles and succeeds. It’s the “if she can do it, so can I” syndrome. They may even derive inspiration from a fictional or historical character. Role models help keep us going despite first-attempt flops. Healy recommends that parents tell stories from their own lives to show how they got through hard times. Or share life stories of people such asThomas EdisonandMichael Jordanwho failed many times but kept trying. Role models offer “concrete evidence that that’s how [life] works,” Healy says. “It creates a culture of learning.” She also reminds parents that they are models and must project confidence as people and parents. Children copy their parents.

3. Positive reinforcementrefers to encouragement from people you trust or look up to. Words have enormous power. Healy says often just little words empower kids’ dreams — or wound their spirit. “I am a firm believer that children digest the words and feelings all around them like food,” she says. The right message can remind kids they are up for a challenge, have the skills to succeed, and can handle a tough situation. It’s not flattery. It’s not about admiring their inborn skills, such as beauty, smarts, or athleticism. It’s encouraging their dreams and plans.

The best way to fuel those big dreams? Praise your child based on effort, by saying things like: “Good job studying so diligently for the test. You earned that A-.” “You’re a really valuable asset to the team because you’ve practiced your free throws so much.” What you’re telling them is “If you perfected your free-throw, then you can focus on learning the violin or long division”…or whatever your child’s next big challenge will be.

4. Positive attitudeexudes from those with confidence. Although positivity, likeself-confidence, may be genetic, it also can be instilled. Learning to minimize stress and elevate mood when facing difficult or challenging tasks can improve a person’s sense of self-efficacy, Bandura says. A good mood builds perceptions of confidence and negative emotions weaken them. Positivity helps people see more options, even when faced with a problem, and gives them the belief that they will cope and triumph. That optimism boosts self-confidence. (And being self-confident boosts a person’s mood. It’s a virtuous circle.)