Live as brave men; and if fortune is adverse, front its blows with brave hearts .
像个勇士那样活着,如果命运不测,用一颗勇敢的心跨过它。——马库斯·图留斯·西塞罗
我是小花,一只上班喵,一株英语趴,天有点冷,人有点懒,小花在努力学英语,跟简书语言·翻译群一起。
很高兴认识你,这是我的第14篇笔记。
写在最前面:
你知道的~本文出现的参考翻译与讲解内容均来自简书语言·翻译群内夏天主编的解析。
11月16日练习。请将以下中文用英文表达。
爬在车辙中玩着泥球的孩子们也住了手,仰天望着这只奇怪的蜻蜓,像是意识出一些严重。
参考译文:(源自张培基先生)
Kids, who had been crawling about over ruts playing a game of small clay balls, now stopped to look up at the strange dragonfly in the sky, subconsciously feeling that something ominous was going to happen.
解析:
1、句式处理:首先看一下参考译文整体结构,参考译文用了非限定定语从句加ing分词修饰结构,构造了一个长句,整个表达很地道,符合英文习惯。
夏天主编:当然有不少同学采用了类似结构,都很正确,还不会用的,要注意积累。
2、crawl,参考译文是用的crawl 接 about over 两个介词,第一个about大家都清楚,因为crawl做不及物动词,接宾语的话,应有介词。
夏天主编:后面的over就非常传神了,因为我们知道车辙比较浅,深度不可能容纳一个孩童,再想象一下小孩子在地上玩泥巴的模样,身子是俯在车辙上面,几个孩子聚在车辙两边,半趴或者半跪在地上。所以用over强调孩子与车辙之间的相对位置关系。
夏天主编:至于为什么不直接用crawl over呢?那是因为crawl over就是指孩纸们爬过车辙啦!
夏天主编:关于crawl有一个很有趣的用法。我们知道现在手机党都喜欢熬夜。那么如果我们说疲惫地爬上床,可以这样表达,crawl into/out of bed 意思是to get into or out of bed slowly because you are very tired 例如:We crawled into bed at 2 am.
3、rut 这个词,意思是车辙, a deep narrow track left in soft ground by a wheel ;
还有同学用了furrow,用在这里也非常正确。
其含义一是 a deep line or fold in the skin of someone’s face, especially on the forehead 〔人脸部,尤其是前额的〕皱纹;
二是 a wide deep line made in the surface of something, especially the ground 〔尤指地面的〕(犁)沟;车辙
4、“奇怪的蜻蜓”,用了直译:strange dragonfly in the sky ,因为前文已经说过“”战机突现”,所以这里采直译,读者也会立刻理解。并且无论原文还是目标语采用的这种metaphor手法,都让行文更加生动。
5、subconsciously,subconscious的意思是subconscious feelings, desires etc are hidden in your mind and affect your behaviour, but you do not know that you have them 〔感觉、欲望等〕下意识的,潜意识的
夏天主编:这个词用在这里,和前文有呼应之感,因为前文说到“恐怖的记忆”因战机而起,此处潜意识中自然本能地感到不好的事情要发生。因此这个词可以更加体现战争留下的恐惧,又与后文民众的麻木与苟活形成鲜明对比。
6、ominous,含义是making you feel that something bad is going to happen 〔使人感到〕不吉利的,不祥的;
例如:How long will she be ill?’ he asked. There was an ominous silence.
夏天主编:早上绝大部分同学用了seriousness或者severity等词语来直译原文的“严重”一词,这样处理是没有语病的。但用在这里不够具体。
因为我们第一天就介绍过这篇文章《古城》的创作背景,在于表达侵略之沉重与救亡之激越。所以用ominous一词,一方面含义很具体,另一方面也更能体现侵略的残酷。
另外这里用了something加形容词的表达,这种用法其实我们初中就学过,是一种很地道的用法。看上去也比直接用some加名词要好一点
夏天主编最后叨::大家要注意身体,不要stay up,更不要crawl into bed at 2 am.
群里大神的翻译:
林教头老师(这名……)
Children who lay prone in ruts playing with mud balls paused and looked up at this monstrous flying object,seemingly aware of some seriousness.(主编评:词汇很丰富。赞)
周姸璐老师
The children who were crawling between the tyre tracks also stopped playing with their muddy balls and seemed to have detected some kind of severeness by gazing at the dragonfly spying from the sky.(主编评:做的很好。gaze spy用的很好)
兔宝兔老师
The children stopped crawling around the furrows with the mud balls in hands, and lifted their heads to look the strange dragonfly in the sky which made them be conscious of the severity of situation.(主编评:用的很生动。severity也用的很好)
不会英语的小花
The children who crawled along the ruts and played with muddy balls in their hands stopped to look up at the strange dragonfly, being aware of something serious.(主编评:做的很好。ing分词修饰用的不错)
以上,周末快乐哦~