Well, I'm divorcing him, but you-- |
我跟他正在办离婚但你... |
Hi, I'm Kim. |
你好我是金姆 |
Hi...Kim. |
你好金姆 |
I haven't even gone on a date yet |
我连个约会都还没捞着 |
and he's taking his fiancee to Paris. |
而他已经带未婚妻去巴黎 |
And she's so young. |
她好年轻 |
She's half my age. |
只有我的一半年纪 |
Well, darling, that really isn't that young. |
亲爱的那也算不上有多年轻 |
My fake age. |
我的假年纪 |
Oh, my God. She's a child. |
老天那是未成年啊 |
I say we kill him and make his underage whore watch. |
我建议我们宰了他让他未成年的小贱人看着 |
Listen, I know how painful this is, |
听我说我知道这有多痛苦 |
but maybe--maybe this is your chance to finally move on. |
但可能这是你开始新人生的好机会 |
Oh, Mel, you deserve so much better. |
梅梅那个男人根本配不上你 |
She's right. |
没错 |
You're the kindest, most loving person in the world. |
你是世界上最温柔最可爱的人 |
I hope the plane crashes and kills them both. |
我希望坠机他们两个都死翘翘 |
Make it stop! |
快收回 |
She didn't cause this! |
这不是她诅咒的 |
Make it stop! |
快收回 |
This is Captain Reid speaking. |
我是机长瑞德 |
All passengers and flight attendants, |
所有乘客及机组人员 |
please take your seats and fasten your seat belts. |
请回到座位上扣好安全带 |
I knew something like this would happen. |
我就知道会有这倒霉事 |
All the great ones go down in planes. |
巨星都是坠机死的 |
We've been cleared for an emergency landing. |
我们已获批准紧急降落 |
Please remain calm. |
请保持镇定 |
My God! |
上帝啊 |
All I cared about was being successful, |
我只关心事业成功 |
and now I'm gonna die and I never got married |
现在我要死了我还没嫁过呢 |
or had children! |
也没孩子 |
And I never won a daytime Emmy! |
我还从没拿过日间艾美奖 |
Not even the season I so courageously battled Lyme disease! |
有一季我勇敢地与蜱虫病抗争都没选上 |
And I've never done anything impulsive |
我都没有任性地胡闹过 |
except get on this plane and look where that got me! |
唯一一次冲动地上了飞机瞧瞧我的下场 |
I need everyone to brace for impact. |
大家就位防撞击姿势 |
I love you guys. |
我爱你们 |
I love you too. |
我也爱你 |
And I swear that if I survive this, |
我发誓如果这次能活下去 |
I am going to stop being so vain. |
我不会再那么虚荣了 |
And scared of everything. |
我不会什么都害怕了 |
And I'm never gonna complain about anything |
我不会再抱怨什么了 |
ever, ever again. |
永远不会 |
We have safely landed in Cleveland. |
我们已经安全降落在克利夫兰 |
Cleveland? |
克利夫兰 |
完整版请点击 |
|
Well, great. |
这下可好 |
My husband's engaged and we're in a dive bar in Cleveland. |
我前夫订婚了而我们却在克利夫兰的破酒吧 |
Look, I googled "Cleveland" and "Get hammered," |
我搜索了关键词"克利夫兰"加"烂醉如泥" |
and this is what came up. |
跳出来的就是这个 |
Along with some very disturbing pictures of Drew Carey. |
以及克利夫兰明星德鲁·凯利不堪入目的照片 |
Why are the men looking at us like that? |
为什么这些男人这样看着我们 |
No, I get recognized a lot, but this is different. |
身为明星被认出很正常可这感觉不同 |
I remember that look. It's... |
我还记得这目光这是... |
Desire. |
欲望 |
They're looking at us. |
他们在直视我们 |
In L.A., they look past us. |
在洛杉矶男人都无视我们 |
- Ladies. - How you doing? |
-女士们-你们好吗 |
How you doing? |
你们好吗 |
- Hello. - Hey. |
-你们好-你好 |
I feel young and hot... |
我觉得自己好年轻好性感 |
Like they're undressing me with their eyes |
感觉他们在用目光为我宽衣解带 |
and not finding spanx. |
却没有发现塑身裤 |
To think that we spend all that time and effort |
我们还浪费时间千辛万苦 |
and money trying to look ten years younger |
挥金如土让自己看起来年轻十岁 |
and ten pounds lighter, and all we had to do |
瘦身十磅费那个劲干什么 |
was crash-land in Cleveland. |
只要迫降在克利夫兰就行了 |
Where all the men look like real men |
在这里男人看起来像真男人 |
and the women look like real women. |
女人看起来像真女人 |
And everyone's eating and no one's ashamed. |
大家都在猛吃却没人觉得不好意思 |
I'm gonna order chili fries. |
我要点辣薯条 |
Are your chili fries good? |
这里的辣薯条好吃吗 |
Can Lebron James jump? |
勒布朗·詹姆斯会跳吗 |
Can who do what now? |
谁会什么来着 |
They're good. |
很好吃 |
We'll have three orders and... |
来三份还有... |
three not-light beers. |
三杯高度啤酒 |
Coming right up, and the guys at that table over there |
马上就好那边桌子的几位先生 |
would like for you to join them. |
想邀你们加入 |
Look how adorably heterosexual they are. |
多么招人喜欢的直男啊 |
In L.A., it's always a question. |
在洛杉矶这话就得问着说 |
Okay, girls. |
好了姐妹们 |
Let's go have some fun. |
我们去开心一下 |
- Oh, why the hell not? - Wait, wait, wait. |
-为什么不呢-等等 |
Are you sure? |
确定要这样吗 |
We appear to have landed in a dimension |
看来我们降落的空间 |
where men hit on women their own age. |
男人会搭讪同龄的女人 |
We owe it to science to investigate. |
为了科学我们也要一探究竟 |
Oh, are you guys leaving? |
你们要离开吗 |
No, we're just pulling your chairs out for you. |
不我们只是为你们拉出椅子 |
- They have gentlemen here. - Nice. |
-这里还有绅士-很好 |
- Thank you so much. - Have an onion ring. |
-太谢谢了-来点洋葱圈吧 |
I might do that. |
吃点也无妨 |
Hi, my name is Hank. |
你好我叫汉克 |
Hi, Hank. Melanie. |
你好汉克我叫梅兰妮 |
- I'm bill. - James. |
-我叫比尔-我叫詹姆斯 |
And this is Joy and I'm-- |
这位是乔依我是 |
We know who you are. |
我们认识你 |
Victoria Chase. |
维多利亚·蔡斯 |
I got addicted to Edge of Tomorrow one summer I got laid up. |
有一年夏天我卧病在床就迷上了《明日边缘》 |
It was the year you were Honor Saint Raven |
那一季你扮演欧娜·圣瑞雯 |
and her evil sister Silver Saint Raven. |
还有她的邪恶姐姐丝莉·圣瑞雯 |
And her even eviler sister Magnolia Saint Raven. |
还有她更邪恶的姐姐木兰·圣瑞雯 |
You know, many daytime actress have done dual roles, |
很多日间秀女演员都曾经分饰两角 |
but I was the first one to tackle a triple. |
可我是第一个分饰三角的 |
And the Emmy goes to... |
日间艾美奖最佳女主角是... |
Susan Lucci. |
苏珊·露琪 |
Finally! |
终于啊 |
So, Melanie, are you an actress too? |
梅兰妮你也是演员吗 |
Oh, no, no. |
不不是 |
Oh, well, you could be. |
你可以是啊 |
You know, you remind me of that really pretty actress |
你让我想起那个非常漂亮的女明星 |
who was in that--that movie. I can't remember her name. |
就那部电影里的我不记得名字了 |
It doesn't matter. |
没关系 |
So what brings you guys here? |
你们怎么会来这里 |
Well, actually, we're on our way to Paris. |
其实我们是要去巴黎 |
Yes, Melanie wrote this book called |
没错梅兰妮写了本书 |
200 things every woman should do before she dies, |
《女人死前必做的两百件事》 |
and she figured she really should do at least one of them. |
她觉得自己至少也应该做一件 |
Yes, and number 122 is fly to Paris with your best friends. |
是的第122件事与好友飞去巴黎 |
Wow. A writer and an actress. |
天呐作家与明星 |
So what do you do? |
你做哪行 |